| 1 | The great lie of the news media: "I am the public". |
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| 2 | Answering Machine Recording: "You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press one ...Now press the other one." |
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| 3 | In the last 30 years, I've gone from "whatever" to "Depends". |
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| 4 | Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. |
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| 5 | Live as long as you like. It won't shorten how long you're dead. |
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| 6 | Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. |
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| 7 | Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
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| 8 | There is nothing wrong with California that the San Andreas fault cannot cure. |
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| 9 | I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja-Vu. The headwaiter said, "don't I know you?" |
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| 10 | What happens to your nose when your face is already spiteful? |
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| 11 | If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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| 12 | Never pass up an opportunity to pee. |
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| 13 | George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country. |
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| 14 | Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds? |
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| 15 | Television is bubble gum for the eyes. |
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| 16 | If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything. |
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| 17 | If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child. |
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| 18 | I'm young at heart. Slightly older in other places. |
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| 19 | If you haven't much education you must use your brain. |
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| 20 | I got kicked out of wood working for not wearing my safety goggles while sawing off another kids left arm. |
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