Funniest One Liners!

1Sex is nobody's business but the three people involved. Share on Facebook      
2I've got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U. Share on Facebook      
3I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand? Share on Facebook      
4If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation? Share on Facebook      
5I don't like the new copier I just bought. It says "put face down" but every time I do it, it blinds my eyes. Share on Facebook      
6Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed. Share on Facebook      
7I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again. Share on Facebook      
8The future will be better tomorrow. Share on Facebook      
9A Frisbeterian believes that when you die, your soul goes up to the roof, and you can't get it back down. Share on Facebook      
10Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited? Share on Facebook      
11When men send flowers for no reason, there's a reason. Share on Facebook      
12Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot. Share on Facebook      
13Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose. Share on Facebook      
14The surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. Share on Facebook      
15America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilisation. Share on Facebook      
16A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done. Share on Facebook      
17If you have a headache, take an asprin, if you have a pain in the ass, break up with them. Share on Facebook      
18Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Share on Facebook      
19Don't let your superiors know you are better than they are. Share on Facebook      
20Even if you manage to convince me that I am gay, I am NOT going to sleep with you. Share on Facebook