Funniest One Liners!

1The great lie of the news media: "I am the public". Share on Facebook      
2Answering Machine Recording: "You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press one ...Now press the other one." Share on Facebook      
3In the last 30 years, I've gone from "whatever" to "Depends". Share on Facebook      
4Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. Share on Facebook      
5Live as long as you like. It won't shorten how long you're dead. Share on Facebook      
6Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. Share on Facebook      
7Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both. Share on Facebook      
8There is nothing wrong with California that the San Andreas fault cannot cure. Share on Facebook      
9I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja-Vu. The headwaiter said, "don't I know you?" Share on Facebook      
10What happens to your nose when your face is already spiteful? Share on Facebook      
11If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? Share on Facebook      
12Never pass up an opportunity to pee. Share on Facebook      
13George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country. Share on Facebook      
14Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds? Share on Facebook      
15Television is bubble gum for the eyes. Share on Facebook      
16If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything. Share on Facebook      
17If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child. Share on Facebook      
18I'm young at heart. Slightly older in other places. Share on Facebook      
19If you haven't much education you must use your brain. Share on Facebook      
20I got kicked out of wood working for not wearing my safety goggles while sawing off another kids left arm. Share on Facebook