Funniest One Liners!

1Keep talking; someday you'll say something intelligent. Share on Facebook      
2Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? Share on Facebook      
3A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will." Share on Facebook      
4Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy. Share on Facebook      
5Everyone needs to be loved. Especially when they don't deserve it. Share on Facebook      
6I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. Share on Facebook      
7A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him at my age I don't even buy green bananas. Share on Facebook      
8Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we don't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags? Share on Facebook      
9I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well. Share on Facebook      
10Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later. Share on Facebook      
11What's a girl like you, doing in a nice place like this? Share on Facebook      
12All diseases run into one, old age. Share on Facebook      
13I'm not saying she's a tramp, but her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors. Share on Facebook      
14Of course I want to live forever. But only for a little while. Share on Facebook      
15My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician. Share on Facebook      
16Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. Share on Facebook      
17I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. Share on Facebook      
18By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. Share on Facebook      
19I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Share on Facebook      
20How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Share on Facebook