Funniest One Liners!

1An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh. Share on Facebook      
2Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors. Share on Facebook      
3If Snapple comes from the best stuff on earth, then our planet really sucks. Share on Facebook      
4You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. Share on Facebook      
5The only stupid question is the question you don't ask. Share on Facebook      
6I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. Share on Facebook      
7If you have nothing good to say about someone, go on an afternoon talk show and say it anyway. Share on Facebook      
8If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road. Share on Facebook      
9The school board decided to remove speech and debate from the course schedule; there was no argument. Share on Facebook      
10Did you sleep well? "No, I made a couple of mistakes." Share on Facebook      
11All American cars are basically Chevrolets. Share on Facebook      
12Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Share on Facebook      
13Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. Share on Facebook      
14Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great new scent. It's called New Car Interior. Share on Facebook      
15A procrastinator's work is never done. Share on Facebook      
1690% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife. Share on Facebook      
17Patriot: a person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. Share on Facebook      
18I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Share on Facebook      
19A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go. Share on Facebook      
20I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds. Share on Facebook