Funniest One Liners!

1Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Share on Facebook      
2Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Share on Facebook      
3Love and Time: The only two things in all of life and all the world that cannot be bought, but spent. Share on Facebook      
4Home is a place where part of the family waits 'till the rest of the family brings the car back. Share on Facebook      
5When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. Share on Facebook      
6I'm a procrastinator. I didn't get my birthmark until I was eight years old. Share on Facebook      
7In a relationship with a woman, a man can either be right or get laid, but never both. Share on Facebook      
8Drink wet cement - get stoned. Share on Facebook      
9[Referring to a glass of water]: I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody! Share on Facebook      
10Does anal retentive have a hyphen? Share on Facebook      
11An abstainer is a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Share on Facebook      
12Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry. Share on Facebook      
13I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Share on Facebook      
14Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate-the bombs always hit the ground. Share on Facebook      
15Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Share on Facebook      
16It is seldom easy to do what's right or right to do what's easy. Share on Facebook      
17I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. Share on Facebook      
18If I want a taste of religion, I'll bite a minister. Share on Facebook      
19God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. Share on Facebook      
20WARNING: the conssumpten of alcahol may mack you tihnk you can tipe real gode. Share on Facebook