Funniest One Liners!

1A true friend stabs you in the front. Share on Facebook      
2If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Share on Facebook      
3Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal. Share on Facebook      
4Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Share on Facebook      
5I mentioned that I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie. Share on Facebook      
6All 5 second grenade fuses burn down in 3 seconds Share on Facebook      
7If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. Share on Facebook      
8Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Share on Facebook      
9What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese. Share on Facebook      
10Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....Almost Lifelike!" Share on Facebook      
11Common sense isn't. Share on Facebook      
12Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. Share on Facebook      
13A jump-leads walks into a bar, acting aggresively. The barman says "All right, I'll serve you... but don't start anything." Share on Facebook      
14Class, it's time for sex education. Eziekel and Ishmael, in accordance with your parent's wishes, you may step out into the hall and pray for our souls. Share on Facebook      
15Smoking doesn't kill people. People who are trying to quit smoking kill people. Share on Facebook      
16The only bad publicity is an obituary. Share on Facebook      
17Changing one thing for the better is worth more than proving a thousand things are wrong. Share on Facebook      
18They say age is just a number...unless it's your number. Share on Facebook      
19My wife came home one day and said, "Look honey, I lost 15 pounds." I said, "If you look behind you, you'll find it." Share on Facebook      
20I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. Share on Facebook