Funniest One Liners!

1Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare. Share on Facebook      
2Middle age starts when you have been warned to slow down, not by a motorcycle cop, but by your doctor. Share on Facebook      
3Oh yeah? You wanna step out of the giant robot and say that again? Share on Facebook      
4What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas ? ..... Nice tooth! Share on Facebook      
5What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Share on Facebook      
6So Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play otherwise? Share on Facebook      
7Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. Share on Facebook      
8Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. Share on Facebook      
9Carpe Jugulum: Go for the throat. Share on Facebook      
10I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. She gets mad if I interrupt her. Share on Facebook      
11An alcoholic is someone whose feet are firmly planted in thin air. Share on Facebook      
12What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. Share on Facebook      
13The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Share on Facebook      
14Security depends not so much upon how much you have as upon how much you can do without. Share on Facebook      
15There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's. Share on Facebook      
16Statistics are like bikinis. What they conceal is more important than what they reveal. Share on Facebook      
17All men are animals, some just make better pets Share on Facebook      
18I'm happier than Michael Jackson at a Harry Potter book signing. Share on Facebook      
19What's all the fuss about same-sex marriages ? I've been married for years, and I keep having the same sex. Share on Facebook      
20Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. Share on Facebook