Funniest One Liners!

1God will forgive me. That's his job, after all. Share on Facebook      
2ARMY: Claymores are labeled "This Side Towards Enemy" for a reason. Share on Facebook      
3You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time. Share on Facebook      
4If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody,...come sit next to me. Share on Facebook      
5The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method. Share on Facebook      
6A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home. Share on Facebook      
7At fifty, a man can be an ass without being an optimist, but never an optimist without being an ass. Share on Facebook      
8If the minimum wage wasn't acceptable, it wouldn't be called the minimum. Share on Facebook      
9I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. Share on Facebook      
10I toss and turn for hours until I realize that making a salad isn't going to relax me. Share on Facebook      
11I'm not saying she's ugly, but if she was cast as Lady Godiva, the horse would steal the show. Share on Facebook      
12Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven! Share on Facebook      
13Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Share on Facebook      
14WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. Share on Facebook      
15Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea: massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it. Share on Facebook      
16Faith without works is dead. Share on Facebook      
17To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'. Share on Facebook      
18If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions. Share on Facebook      
19Baby-sitter: a teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers. Share on Facebook      
20A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years. Share on Facebook