| 1 | "I just can't drink the way I used to", replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again". |
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| 2 | 06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. |
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| 3 | 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. |
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| 4 | A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff". |
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| 5 | A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm. |
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| 6 | About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief". |
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| 7 | All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. |
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| 8 | All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart. |
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| 9 | An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee! |
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| 10 | At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. |
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| 11 | Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments." |
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| 12 | Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. |
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| 13 | Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. |
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| 14 | Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. |
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| 15 | Getting a little action means you don't need to take a laxative. |
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| 16 | Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. |
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| 17 | Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi and Ho-Ho's |
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| 18 | Happy hour is a nap. |
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| 19 | Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. |
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| 20 | It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. |
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