| 1 | Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire. |
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| 2 | If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? |
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| 3 | The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease, sometimes it gets replaced. |
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| 4 | Why is there Braille on drive-through ATM machines? |
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| 5 | You know that kind of drunk where you're a drink away from yelling faggot or being one? |
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| 6 | At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. |
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| 7 | Failure is not an option - it's a lifestyle. |
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| 8 | I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. |
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| 9 | One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. |
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| 10 | My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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| 11 | Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. |
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| 12 | In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage. |
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| 13 | If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. |
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| 14 | An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it. |
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| 15 | Ever wonder why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? |
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| 16 | To let a fool kiss you is stupid. To let a kiss fool you is worse. |
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| 17 | If you have nothing good to say about someone, go on an afternoon talk show and say it anyway. |
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| 18 | 98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%.
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| 19 | I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change. |
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| 20 | My wife says I never listen... or something like that...
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