Funniest One Liners!

1Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum. Share on Facebook      
2The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!!!! Share on Facebook      
3I can lead you to the water but I can't let you drink. Share on Facebook      
4Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Share on Facebook      
5Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency. Share on Facebook      
6The eyes are the second thing to go...I forget the first... Share on Facebook      
7Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. Share on Facebook      
8Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance. Share on Facebook      
9Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick. Share on Facebook      
10In case of rapture, this office will be empty. With the possible exception of the guy in accounting. Share on Facebook      
11When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. Share on Facebook      
12Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. Share on Facebook      
13Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone. Share on Facebook      
14Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!. Share on Facebook      
15Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Share on Facebook      
16Your body would look good in my trunk. Share on Facebook      
17We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me. Share on Facebook      
18Just because your head is pointed, that doesn't mean you're sharp. Share on Facebook      
19What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Share on Facebook      
20I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. Share on Facebook