Funniest One Liners!

1If you are what you eat then you were what you excrete. Share on Facebook      
2Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? Share on Facebook      
3Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before. Share on Facebook      
4My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Share on Facebook      
5I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with. Share on Facebook      
6If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen! Share on Facebook      
7Buffet. A French word that means: Get up & get it yourself! Share on Facebook      
8Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Share on Facebook      
9Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Share on Facebook      
10He told me he could eat a 32 ounce steak, but I found that hard to swallow. Share on Facebook      
11That what does not kill you, makes you wish it had. Share on Facebook      
12If I heard Silent Night one more time, I was gonna start taking hostages. Share on Facebook      
13Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep Share on Facebook      
14If a job is worth doing, then get someone in to do it properly. Share on Facebook      
15To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. Share on Facebook      
16A truly perfect marriage would be one between a blind woman and a deaf man. Share on Facebook      
17I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?" Share on Facebook      
18There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. Share on Facebook      
19Failure teaches success. Share on Facebook      
20There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity. Share on Facebook