Funniest One Liners!

1He's so open minded, his brains fell out. Share on Facebook      
2I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you. Share on Facebook      
3The mind can only stand what the butt can endure. Share on Facebook      
4Friends are like stars. You may not always see them but you know they are always there Share on Facebook      
5It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially if you are why he's nervous! Share on Facebook      
6A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!" Share on Facebook      
7May the dragon of life only roast your hot-dogs and never burn your buns. Share on Facebook      
8Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it. Share on Facebook      
9A weak mind is like a microscope. It magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones. Share on Facebook      
10Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Share on Facebook      
11On my walls I have pictures of the rooms on the second floor, so I never have to go upstairs. Share on Facebook      
12As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Share on Facebook      
13Most public figures are really mechanical constructs, like small battlemechs that look really human, being driven by teams of rabid chipmunks. The chipmunks are trained at Quantico in a special school, costing taxpayers billions of dollars every year. This is why television is so endlessly fascinating. Share on Facebook      
14Under capitalism man exploits man. Under socialism it's just the opposite. Share on Facebook      
15Universal truth: The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. Share on Facebook      
16Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise. Share on Facebook      
17Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Share on Facebook      
18I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. Share on Facebook      
19It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done. Share on Facebook      
20Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Share on Facebook