Funniest One Liners!

1The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. Share on Facebook      
2I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing. Share on Facebook      
3Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future? Share on Facebook      
4Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Share on Facebook      
5You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. Share on Facebook      
6Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. Share on Facebook      
7I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair. Share on Facebook      
8You can't think your way into a new way of living... You have to live your way into a new way of thinking. Share on Facebook      
9Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. Share on Facebook      
10The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. Share on Facebook      
11Well I'm the king of the swingers, see, the jungle V.I.P. But I've reached the top and I've had to stop, and that's what's been bothering me. Share on Facebook      
12Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Share on Facebook      
13We all came on different ships, but we are in the same boat now. Share on Facebook      
14Water floats. Share on Facebook      
15A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows. Share on Facebook      
16We judge others by their actions; we judge ourselves by our intentions. Share on Facebook      
17Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it. Share on Facebook      
18On your mark, get set, go away! Share on Facebook      
19Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise. Share on Facebook      
20Worry pulls tomorrow's cloud over today's sunshine. Share on Facebook