Funniest One Liners!

1One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged. Share on Facebook      
2The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. Share on Facebook      
3You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time. Share on Facebook      
4Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends. Share on Facebook      
5There is no I in team, but there is a ME. Share on Facebook      
6It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Share on Facebook      
7Why is Wednesday called "Hump Day" when most people get laid on the weekends? Share on Facebook      
8The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance. Share on Facebook      
9Sometimes I wish life had subtitles! Share on Facebook      
10He was a very clumsy lover... so the girl had to put him in her place. Share on Facebook      
11I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. Share on Facebook      
12Worry doesn't prevent disaster, it prevents joy. Share on Facebook      
13My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said the whole time. Share on Facebook      
14A comparison of human population growth rates and mime population growth rates indicates that within twenty years the world will be overun by mimes and humans will be their slaves, toiling twenty five hours a day making stripy shirts and berets. Share on Facebook      
15We treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk. Share on Facebook      
16If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Share on Facebook      
17Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Share on Facebook      
18You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Share on Facebook      
19If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. Share on Facebook      
20In Capitalism, man exploits man. In Communism, it's exactly the opposite. Share on Facebook