Funniest One Liners!

1Time takes time. Share on Facebook      
2What's a girl like you, doing in a nice place like this? Share on Facebook      
3A day off is always more welcome when it's unexpected. Share on Facebook      
4Sometimes I even amaze myself. Share on Facebook      
5If it's free, it's advice; If you pay for it, it's counseling; If you can use either one, it's a miracle ! Share on Facebook      
6Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children and no theories. Share on Facebook      
7I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. Share on Facebook      
8You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration. Share on Facebook      
9Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. Share on Facebook      
10I was going to procrastinate. But I decided to leave it till later. Share on Facebook      
11There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. Share on Facebook      
12Batteries not included. Share on Facebook      
13Non-conformists of the world, unite! Share on Facebook      
14If you're the low man on the totem pole, just remember... If it wasn't for you the whole damn thing would fall over. Share on Facebook      
15Some people are in debt because they spend what their friends think they make. Share on Facebook      
16I have an alien name Westly. He tells me to burn things. Isn't that funny? Share on Facebook      
17My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disabled teachers. Share on Facebook      
18Hit any user to continue. Share on Facebook      
19There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going. Share on Facebook      
20Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. Share on Facebook