| 1 | Cats make everything taste better.
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| 2 | You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven. |
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| 3 | Well, paint me purple and call me Barney. |
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| 4 | If you came and you found a strange man teaching your kids to punch each other, or trying to sell them all kinds of products, you'd kick him right out of the house, but here you are; you come in and the TV is on, and you don't think twice about it. |
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| 5 | Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. |
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| 6 | God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them! |
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| 7 | Television is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done. |
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| 8 | I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public. |
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| 9 | Baby-sitter: a teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers. |
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| 10 | I wonder why a gynecologist leaves the room when women get undressed? |
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| 11 | ARMY: The enemy attacks on two occasions: When he's ready, and when you're not. |
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| 12 | There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot. |
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| 13 | I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, and complain. |
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| 14 | Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot. |
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| 15 | All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. |
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| 16 | Atheism is a non-prophet organization. |
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| 17 | If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. |
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| 18 | I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. |
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| 19 | A waist is a terrible thing to mind |
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| 20 | Love is a fire. Whether it will warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. |
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