Funniest One Liners!

1Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. Share on Facebook      
2If you are not big enough to lose you are too small to win. Share on Facebook      
3Algebra was easy for the Romans because "X" was always 10. Share on Facebook      
4Absence -- that common cure of love. Share on Facebook      
5Life is like a box of chocolates; too big a box with too few chocolates. Share on Facebook      
6When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Share on Facebook      
7College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come. Share on Facebook      
8Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. Share on Facebook      
9To me, good exercise is soaking in a tub, pulling the plug, and fighting the current ! Share on Facebook      
10Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great new scent. It's called New Car Interior. Share on Facebook      
11Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Share on Facebook      
12Nearby is a forest. Not just any forest, but a forest where they get paneling. It was a long thin forest. Share on Facebook      
13Life's a buffet ... so eat me! Share on Facebook      
14As the Jolly Green Giant could tell you, there's nothing like a good pea. Share on Facebook      
15Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched. Share on Facebook      
16Women are like hurricanes: when they come they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take the house and the car. Share on Facebook      
17I hooked up the gas pedal in my car to the brake lights. I floor it, the people behind me stop, and I'm gone Share on Facebook      
18They say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet the guy at the gallery wouldn't trade me that painting for my newspaper. Share on Facebook      
19If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex? Share on Facebook      
20I responded to my girlfriend's marriage proposal by saying, "You're What?!" Share on Facebook