Funniest One Liners!

1Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire. Share on Facebook      
2If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? Share on Facebook      
3The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease, sometimes it gets replaced. Share on Facebook      
4Why is there Braille on drive-through ATM machines? Share on Facebook      
5You know that kind of drunk where you're a drink away from yelling faggot or being one? Share on Facebook      
6At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. Share on Facebook      
7Failure is not an option - it's a lifestyle. Share on Facebook      
8I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. Share on Facebook      
9One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. Share on Facebook      
10My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. Share on Facebook      
11Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. Share on Facebook      
12In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage. Share on Facebook      
13If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. Share on Facebook      
14An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it. Share on Facebook      
15Ever wonder why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Share on Facebook      
16To let a fool kiss you is stupid. To let a kiss fool you is worse. Share on Facebook      
17If you have nothing good to say about someone, go on an afternoon talk show and say it anyway. Share on Facebook      
1898% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%. Share on Facebook      
19I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change. Share on Facebook      
20My wife says I never listen... or something like that... Share on Facebook