| 1 | If you are what you eat then you were what you excrete.
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| 2 | Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? |
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| 3 | Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before. |
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| 4 | My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. |
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| 5 | I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with. |
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| 6 | If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen! |
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| 7 | Buffet. A French word that means: Get up & get it yourself!
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| 8 | Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. |
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| 9 | Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? |
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| 10 | He told me he could eat a 32 ounce steak, but I found that hard to swallow. |
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| 11 | That what does not kill you, makes you wish it had. |
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| 12 | If I heard Silent Night one more time, I was gonna start taking hostages. |
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| 13 | Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep |
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| 14 | If a job is worth doing, then get someone in to do it properly. |
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| 15 | To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. |
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| 16 | A truly perfect marriage would be one between a blind woman and a deaf man.
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| 17 | I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?" |
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| 18 | There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. |
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| 19 | Failure teaches success. |
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| 20 | There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity. |
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