Funniest One Liners!

1Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Share on Facebook      
2A jump-leads walks into a bar, acting aggresively. The barman says "All right, I'll serve you... but don't start anything." Share on Facebook      
3The total intelligence on the planet is constant; the population is growing. Share on Facebook      
4Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? Share on Facebook      
5A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty. Share on Facebook      
6Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough. Share on Facebook      
7Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. Share on Facebook      
8Ax Me About Ebonics. Share on Facebook      
9A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price. Share on Facebook      
10Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco. Share on Facebook      
11In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. Share on Facebook      
12If you can't accept losing, you can't win. Share on Facebook      
13I've been married for 49 years. (or it seems like 49 years....) Where have I failed? Share on Facebook      
14What do Windows and a handgun have in common? Both are harmless while not loaded. Share on Facebook      
15Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Share on Facebook      
16I descended from a very long line that my mother foolishly listened to. Share on Facebook      
17To the eternal question 'Why' there is an equally simple answer 'Because'. Share on Facebook      
18My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already. Share on Facebook      
19Indecision may or may not be my problem. Share on Facebook      
20As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it. Share on Facebook