Funniest One Liners!

1Put one foot in front of the other. Share on Facebook      
2The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. Share on Facebook      
3At Jesus' tomb, did angels really roll away the stone, or was it Juvenile Delinquents? Share on Facebook      
4I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. Share on Facebook      
5Did you hear about the blonde that thought an "innuendo" is an Italian suppository ? Share on Facebook      
6Despite what you may think, nobody wins in a butter eating contest. Share on Facebook      
7Your children know you love them by your presence, not your presents. Share on Facebook      
8Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. Share on Facebook      
9You're old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. Share on Facebook      
10Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Share on Facebook      
11A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. Share on Facebook      
12Universal truth: No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. Share on Facebook      
13Did you hear about the self help group for compulsive talkers? It's called On & On Anon. Share on Facebook      
14Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves. Share on Facebook      
15The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now. Share on Facebook      
16Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot. Share on Facebook      
17A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. Share on Facebook      
18Cancer research is a growth industry. Share on Facebook      
19The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. Share on Facebook      
20Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between. Share on Facebook