Funniest One Liners!

1Only the paranoid survive. Share on Facebook      
2My wife is do dumb...she thinks mutual orgasm is an insurance company. Share on Facebook      
3You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven. Share on Facebook      
4We are all prawns in the game of life. Share on Facebook      
5A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Share on Facebook      
6If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Share on Facebook      
7There are only two enterprises that refer to their customers as "users," and one is illegal. Share on Facebook      
8There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. Share on Facebook      
9Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! Share on Facebook      
10By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. Share on Facebook      
11Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names. Share on Facebook      
12I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, "Do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?" So I said, "Oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far." Share on Facebook      
13Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. Share on Facebook      
14Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day. Share on Facebook      
15Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Share on Facebook      
16If you are what you eat then you were what you excrete. Share on Facebook      
17If you don't like the news, go out and make some. Share on Facebook      
18We had a great neighborhood watch going when I was a kid... until she closed her curtains. Share on Facebook      
19If I throw a stick, will you go away? Share on Facebook      
20I said to the wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this street except one." She said, "I'll bet it's that stuck up Phyllis at number 23." Share on Facebook