Funniest One Liners!

1I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I don't want to have to see you everyday Share on Facebook      
2If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. Share on Facebook      
3If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Share on Facebook      
4A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to. Share on Facebook      
5Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! Share on Facebook      
6History is the science of what never happens twice. Share on Facebook      
7Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. Share on Facebook      
8It's not that I wish any harm to the guy, I'm just saying I could happily sit by while someone knocks his head off. Share on Facebook      
9Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. Share on Facebook      
10What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket. Share on Facebook      
11Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids. Share on Facebook      
12Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Share on Facebook      
13That shirt of yours is so ugly, I wouldn't wear it to a "Shit Throw". Share on Facebook      
14Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. Share on Facebook      
15What we anticipate seldom occurs. What we least expect generally happens. Share on Facebook      
16The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have. Share on Facebook      
17Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. Share on Facebook      
18Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places. Share on Facebook      
19I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. Share on Facebook      
20Goodbye, and thanks for the radio, said Tom with a short wave. Share on Facebook