| 1 | One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged. |
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| 2 | The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. |
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| 3 | You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time. |
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| 4 | Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends. |
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| 5 | There is no I in team, but there is a ME. |
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| 6 | It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. |
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| 7 | Why is Wednesday called "Hump Day" when most people get laid on the weekends? |
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| 8 | The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
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| 9 | Sometimes I wish life had subtitles! |
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| 10 | He was a very clumsy lover... so the girl had to put him in her place. |
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| 11 | I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. |
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| 12 | Worry doesn't prevent disaster, it prevents joy. |
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| 13 | My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said the whole time. |
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| 14 | A comparison of human population growth rates and mime population growth rates indicates that within twenty years the world will be overun by mimes and humans will be their slaves, toiling twenty five hours a day making stripy shirts and berets. |
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| 15 | We treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk. |
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| 16 | If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| 17 | Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. |
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| 18 | You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. |
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| 19 | If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
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| 20 | In Capitalism, man exploits man. In Communism, it's exactly the opposite. |
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