| 1 | Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
|
   |
| 2 | I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store "Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday." |
|
| 3 | If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it funny? |
|
| 4 | Nebraska: At least the cows are sane.
|
|
| 5 | Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon. |
|
| 6 | Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. |
|
| 7 | If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall. |
|
| 8 | You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing. |
|
| 9 | Marriage is nature's way of stopping people from fighting with strangers. |
|
| 10 | Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either! |
|
| 11 | Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. |
|
| 12 | Cows have the capability to produce two kinds of milk - the nutritious white fluid containing healthy amounts of calcium, and an even tastier concoction that contains a deadly neurotoxin. Farmers say that most milk is of the former kind. |
|
| 13 | Don't be a sexist, broads hate that. |
|
| 14 | Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood Is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money. |
|
| 15 | My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. |
|
| 16 | I have a devoted wife who lets me give it to her both ways...Cash or Credit. |
|
| 17 | The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have. |
|
| 18 | I'm retired and this is as dressed up as I'm gonna get.
|
|
| 19 | If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut? |
|
| 20 | Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust. |
|
