Funniest One Liners!

1All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. Share on Facebook      
2You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, 'Damn it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport'. Share on Facebook      
3I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. Share on Facebook      
4Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked. Share on Facebook      
5Fun is a good thing, but only when it spoils nothing better. Share on Facebook      
6I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. Share on Facebook      
7So I figured I'd leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn't into meditating and she wasn't really into being alive. I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date. Share on Facebook      
8I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Share on Facebook      
9Are you wearing lipstick? Well, mind if I taste it? Share on Facebook      
10Time is merely a waste of reality. Share on Facebook      
11If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on Earth? Share on Facebook      
12If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed? Share on Facebook      
13Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken. Share on Facebook      
14What goes 'clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG'? An Amish drive-by shooting. Share on Facebook      
15I am so amazingly cool, you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip, I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis. Share on Facebook      
16Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Share on Facebook      
17Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before. Share on Facebook      
18What do chickens think we taste like? Share on Facebook      
19The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. Share on Facebook      
20Making love is great, but sometimes don't you just wanna get laid? Share on Facebook