Funniest One Liners!

1I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila. Share on Facebook      
2If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? Share on Facebook      
3Despite the proportional number of eyes and ears to mouths, people will talk twice as much as they pay attention. Share on Facebook      
4Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll! Share on Facebook      
5Some folks are so eager to find fault, you'd think there's a reward. Share on Facebook      
6You will never "win" an argument concerning religion. Share on Facebook      
7If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Share on Facebook      
8If you can't read this, you're illiterate! Share on Facebook      
9I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. Share on Facebook      
10If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger ... Share on Facebook      
11You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!" Share on Facebook      
12Rocks tend to be rounder on even days of the year. Share on Facebook      
13If at first you don't succeed, try management. Share on Facebook      
14Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant. Share on Facebook      
15I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones. Share on Facebook      
16If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse. Share on Facebook      
17Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. Share on Facebook      
18I was only looking at your nametag, honest! Share on Facebook      
19If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? Share on Facebook      
20I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl. She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on." I said, "Yeah, I know, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness." Share on Facebook