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141You know you're ugly when a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends." Share on Facebook      
142You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. Share on Facebook      
143You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike. Share on Facebook      
144You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, 'Damn it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport'. Share on Facebook      
145You know, when you're a fat guy you don't need a reason to sweat. Guys come up to me and go dude have you been working out? in the attic? and I go no, but I peeling an orange... like..and hour ago. Share on Facebook      
146You laugh because I'm different; I laugh because you're all the same. Share on Facebook      
147You live on the edge? I fell off some time ago. Share on Facebook      
148You look like shit. Is that in style now? Share on Facebook      
149You make me hornier before 9 AM than most people do all day. Share on Facebook      
150You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. Share on Facebook      
151You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. Share on Facebook      
152You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me. Share on Facebook      
153You might call it laziness, I call it efficiency. Share on Facebook      
154You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more. Share on Facebook      
155You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day! Share on Facebook      
156You must have been gifted as a child. No one would have paid for you. Share on Facebook      
157You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape . Share on Facebook      
158You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony. Share on Facebook      
159You never really know a man until you have divorced him. Share on Facebook      
160You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Share on Facebook