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1461If you don't want your children to hear what you're saying, pretend you're speaking directly to them. Share on Facebook      
1462If you dream as big as you can dream anything is possible. Share on Facebook      
1463If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people. Share on Facebook      
1464If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey. Share on Facebook      
1465If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because hey, free dummy. Share on Facebook      
1466If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask someone else first. Share on Facebook      
1467If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. Share on Facebook      
1468If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. Share on Facebook      
1469If you feel strongly about graffiti, sign a partition. Share on Facebook      
1470If you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands. Share on Facebook      
1471If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. Share on Facebook      
1472If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. Share on Facebook      
1473If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. Share on Facebook      
1474If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you. Share on Facebook      
1475If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book. Share on Facebook      
1476If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger ... Share on Facebook      
1477If you got an 'A' in spelling you might have to reconcider primary school. Share on Facebook      
1478If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? Share on Facebook      
1479If you hang yourself, you die of your own free will and accord. Share on Facebook      
1480If you have a headache, take an asprin, if you have a pain in the ass, break up with them. Share on Facebook