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1221If it's not going according to plan, maybe there never was a plan. Share on Facebook      
1222If it's not one thing, it's your mother. Share on Facebook      
1223If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot at it? Share on Facebook      
1224If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. Share on Facebook      
1225If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Share on Facebook      
1226If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? Share on Facebook      
1227If Jack helped you off a horse, would you help jack off a horse? Share on Facebook      
1228If Jesus had grown up to be an agent, instead of walking on water would he have walked on people? Share on Facebook      
1229If Jesus where here today, there is one thing he wouldn't be: a christian Share on Facebook      
1230If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about it? Share on Facebook      
1231If Joe was such a hot-shot carpenter, why couldn't he whip up a groovy little cradle for Baby J.? Share on Facebook      
1232If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed? Share on Facebook      
1233If life deals you a lemon, make lemonade. Share on Facebook      
1234If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. Share on Facebook      
1235If life gives you lemons, stick them down your shirt and make your boobs look bigger. Share on Facebook      
1236If life gives you llamas, make llamanade. Share on Facebook      
1237If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila! Share on Facebook      
1238If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Share on Facebook      
1239If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Share on Facebook      
1240If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight? Share on Facebook