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1021I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. Share on Facebook      
1022I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. Share on Facebook      
1023I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. Share on Facebook      
1024I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. Share on Facebook      
1025I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weener or huge boobs. Share on Facebook      
1026I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. Share on Facebook      
1027I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. Share on Facebook      
1028I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think. Share on Facebook      
1029I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is a temporary situation. Share on Facebook      
1030I've never had a problem with drugs; I've had problems with the police. Share on Facebook      
1031I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think. Share on Facebook      
1032I've never had premonitions, but I think one day I might. Share on Facebook      
1033I've never seen electricity, so I don't pay for it. I write right on the bill, "I'm sorry, I haven't seen it all month." Share on Facebook      
1034I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. Share on Facebook      
1035I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. Share on Facebook      
1036I've recently discovered that I can predict the future. You'd think I would've seen that coming Share on Facebook      
1037I've spent a lot of money on booze, babes and cars the rest, I just squandered. Share on Facebook      
1038I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. Share on Facebook      
1039I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me send money. Share on Facebook      
1040I've told you a million times to stop exaggerating! Share on Facebook