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1001I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, keep me here! Share on Facebook      
1002I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called? Share on Facebook      
1003I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel. Share on Facebook      
1004I've got a plan so sharp you could pick your teeth with it. Share on Facebook      
1005I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards. Share on Facebook      
1006I've got a wonderful doctor. If you can't afford the operation, he touches up the X rays. Share on Facebook      
1007I've got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date. Share on Facebook      
1008I've got it made. I've got a wife and a TV set -- and they're both working. Share on Facebook      
1009I've got my laser printer set on "stun". Share on Facebook      
1010I've got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U. Share on Facebook      
1011I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses. Share on Facebook      
1012I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it. Share on Facebook      
1013I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. Share on Facebook      
1014I've had amnesia as long as I can remember. Share on Facebook      
1015I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. Share on Facebook      
1016I've heard about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading. Share on Facebook      
1017I've invented a fly spray that doesn't kill flies; it makes them so sexually active, you can swat two at a time. Share on Facebook      
1018I've know her for many years -- in fact, we used to be the same age. Share on Facebook      
1019I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Share on Facebook      
1020I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. Share on Facebook