| 81 | A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. |
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| 82 | A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. |
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| 83 | A disagreeable task is its own reward. |
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| 84 | A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. |
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| 85 | A doctor is only as famous as his last screw up. |
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| 86 | A dog inside a kennel barks at his fleas. A dog hunting does not notice them. |
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| 87 | A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show. |
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| 88 | A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay. |
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| 89 | A drunk is a sick human being trying to get well, not a bad one trying to be good. |
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| 90 | A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. |
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| 91 | A dyslexic agnostic doesn't believe in Dog. |
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| 92 | A dyslexic man walks into a bra. |
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| 93 | A face without freckles is like a sky without stars. |
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| 94 | A fail-safe circuit will destroy all other circuits. |
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| 95 | A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. |
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| 96 | A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. |
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| 97 | A flashlight is basically a tin can for transporting dead batteries. |
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| 98 | A flying particle will always seek the nearest eye. |
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| 99 | A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee. |
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| 100 | A fool and his honey are soon parted. |
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