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861I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I don't want to have to see you everyday Share on Facebook      
862I'd walk a mile for one of your smiles ...and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue. Share on Facebook      
863I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. Share on Facebook      
864I'm a corporate executive -- I keep things from happening. Share on Facebook      
865I'm a Frisbeeterian - When I die, my soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there Share on Facebook      
866I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house. Share on Facebook      
867I'm a great lover, I'll bet. Share on Facebook      
868I'm a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am. Share on Facebook      
869I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. Share on Facebook      
870I'm a peripheral visionary: I can see into the future, but just way out to the side. Share on Facebook      
871I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed. Share on Facebook      
872I'm a procrastinator. I didn't get my birthmark until I was eight years old. Share on Facebook      
873I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget. Share on Facebook      
874I'm a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie doll world. Share on Facebook      
875I'm a right-wing, Republican, conservative Christian who thinks the spotted owl tastes like chicken. Share on Facebook      
876I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four. Share on Facebook      
877I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? Share on Facebook      
878I'm always careful to get something every day from the four basic food groups: canned, frozen, fast and takeout. Share on Facebook      
879I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared. Share on Facebook      
880I'm an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time! Share on Facebook