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781I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. Share on Facebook      
782I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. Share on Facebook      
783I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. Share on Facebook      
784I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters. Share on Facebook      
785I went to a strip mall the other day. Was I ever disappointed...Everybody else had on clothes. Share on Facebook      
786I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. Share on Facebook      
787I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, "Your honour, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?" Share on Facebook      
788I went to Dayton, Ohio, recently. Know what's a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the hell out, that's what. Share on Facebook      
789I went to hell, it was full, so I came back. Share on Facebook      
790I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Share on Facebook      
791I went to school to become a wit, but only got half-way through. Share on Facebook      
792I went to see a psychiatrist: he said tell me everything. I did, and now he's doing my act! Share on Facebook      
793I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect." Share on Facebook      
794I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar." Share on Facebook      
795I went to the doctor today and he refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building. Share on Facebook      
796I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. Share on Facebook      
797I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. Share on Facebook      
798I went to the hardware store to buy some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again. Share on Facebook      
799I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there. Share on Facebook      
800I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. Share on Facebook