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61The Attorney General has determined that Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms can be dangerous to your health, and get away with it! Share on Facebook      
62The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. Share on Facebook      
63The average man's judgement is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it. Share on Facebook      
64The average person thinks he isn't. Share on Facebook      
65The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Share on Facebook      
66The axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers. Share on Facebook      
67The axiom of Paris Hilton: "I must go down on what comes up." Share on Facebook      
68The balls are the posse of the penis. While the penis is inside you, making you happy, the balls are outside working security. It's a velvet rope situation. No one can get in now. Finger, not tonight. There's another club around the block, it's a little dirty, but I think you can squeeze in. Share on Facebook      
69The beatings will continue until morale improves. Share on Facebook      
70The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. Share on Facebook      
71The best argument against democracy is a five minute talk with the average voter. Share on Facebook      
72The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror... with a cop in it. Share on Facebook      
73The best exercise: reach down and pull somebody up. Share on Facebook      
74The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day. Share on Facebook      
75The best measure of someone's honesty is the zero adjust on their bathroom scale. Share on Facebook      
76The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep. Share on Facebook      
77The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it. Share on Facebook      
78The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you. Share on Facebook      
79The best thing about outer space is that there's no wind. Share on Facebook      
80The best things in life are free. So, how many kittens do you want? Share on Facebook