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761I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way. Share on Facebook      
762I wasn't kidding. I do have a test today. It's on European Socialism. What's the big deal? I'm not European. I don't plan on becoming European. So why should I care if they're socialists? They could be fascist, anarchist pigs. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a car. Share on Facebook      
763I wasn't sleeping. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance. Share on Facebook      
764I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. Share on Facebook      
765I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg. Share on Facebook      
766I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way. Share on Facebook      
767I wear the pants in my family ... right under my apron. Share on Facebook      
768I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls. Share on Facebook      
769I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake. Share on Facebook      
770I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Not in a row." Share on Facebook      
771I went into a clothes store the other day and a salesman walked up to me and said, "Can I help you?" and I said "Yeah, do you have anything I like?" He said, "What do you mean do we have anything you like?" I said, "You started this." Share on Facebook      
772I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl. She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on." I said, "Yeah, I know, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness." Share on Facebook      
773I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick." Share on Facebook      
774I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four." Share on Facebook      
775I went to a bookstore and asked the salesperson where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Share on Facebook      
776I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Rennaisance. Share on Facebook      
777I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja-Vu. The headwaiter said, "don't I know you?" Share on Facebook      
778I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. Share on Facebook      
779I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." Share on Facebook      
780I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Share on Facebook