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741I was skydiving horizontally. Share on Facebook      
742I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. Share on Facebook      
743I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with. Share on Facebook      
744I was so poor, I couldn't pay attention. Share on Facebook      
745I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. Share on Facebook      
746I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me. Share on Facebook      
747I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. Share on Facebook      
748I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. Share on Facebook      
749I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.She asked, "Do I click the square?"I said, "Yes."She asked me, "Single click or double click?" Share on Facebook      
750I was the next door kid's imaginary friend. Share on Facebook      
751I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they were cramming for their finals. Share on Facebook      
752I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it. Share on Facebook      
753I was thrown out of college for cheating on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the guy next to me. Share on Facebook      
754I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. Share on Facebook      
755I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: "Lost -- $50. If found, just keep it." Share on Facebook      
756I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better. Share on Facebook      
757I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes. Share on Facebook      
758I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. Share on Facebook      
759I washed mud off of mud. Share on Facebook      
760I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone. Share on Facebook