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741At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." Share on Facebook      
742At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. Share on Facebook      
743At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Share on Facebook      
744At fifty, a man can be an ass without being an optimist, but never an optimist without being an ass. Share on Facebook      
745At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "I did," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. Share on Facebook      
746At Jesus' tomb, did angels really roll away the stone, or was it Juvenile Delinquents? Share on Facebook      
747At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year. Share on Facebook      
748At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens. Share on Facebook      
749At my age, actions creak louder than words. Share on Facebook      
750At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. Share on Facebook      
751At rifle competitions, the best team always wins by a long shot. Share on Facebook      
752At six I was left an orphan. What the hell is a six year old supposed to do with an orphan?! Share on Facebook      
753At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice. Share on Facebook      
754At the Last Supper, did He order the All-U-Can-Eat-Loaves-'N-Fishes-Buffet? Or would that have been redundant? Share on Facebook      
755At the mall I saw a kid on a leash. I think if I ever have a kid, it's gonna be cordless. Share on Facebook      
756At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't. Share on Facebook      
757At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. Share on Facebook      
758Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Share on Facebook      
759Attend Church weekly NOT weakly. Share on Facebook      
760Attitude determines your altitude. Share on Facebook