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681I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. Share on Facebook      
682I used to do drugs... I still do drugs. But I used to, too. Share on Facebook      
683I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Share on Facebook      
684I used to have a drug problem, but now I have more money. Share on Facebook      
685I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off. Share on Facebook      
686I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed.... Share on Facebook      
687I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. Share on Facebook      
688I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it Share on Facebook      
689I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. Share on Facebook      
690I used to think I could pass gas silently until I got my hearing aid. Share on Facebook      
691I used to tow the line of decency, now I floss my ass crack with it. Share on Facebook      
692I used to work at a bra factory, but it went bust. Share on Facebook      
693I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job. Share on Facebook      
694I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. Share on Facebook      
695I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Share on Facebook      
696I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead. Share on Facebook      
697I walked into my doctor's office and said,"Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from inside my stomach said, "No, you haven't." Share on Facebook      
698I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. Share on Facebook      
699I want a tan where the sun never shines. Share on Facebook      
700I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!! Share on Facebook