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661I tried to backup my hard drive, but I couldn't find reverse Share on Facebook      
662I tried to be all things to all people... I ended up being nobody to everybody. Share on Facebook      
663I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Share on Facebook      
664I tried to get a job at Office Depot. I didn't need the money. I just wanted to steal from a company that would never run out of office supplies. Share on Facebook      
665I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock. Share on Facebook      
666I tried to go see a pirate movie, but they wouldn't let me in.... It was rated ARRRRRRRRR! Share on Facebook      
667I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying Share on Facebook      
668I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me. Share on Facebook      
669I try to make my words soft and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them. Share on Facebook      
670I try to sell insurance to every telemarketer that calls me. Share on Facebook      
671I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Share on Facebook      
672I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic. Share on Facebook      
673I used to be a narrator for bad mimes. Share on Facebook      
674I used to be a proof reader for a skywriting company. Share on Facebook      
675I used to be a waiter, but I was fired for clearing tables. I was clearing them for take off. I had them all lined up outside. People thought it was an outdoor cafe. I said, "No, these are leaving at 3." They were going to fire me anyway, because I told them I thought they should put the wrapper on the inside of the straw since that's the part you don't want to get dirty. Share on Facebook      
676I used to be an "incurable romantic", untill I married an antibiotic. Share on Facebook      
677I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger. Share on Facebook      
678I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. Share on Facebook      
679I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost. Share on Facebook      
680I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. Share on Facebook