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6681When I was a kid, I had so many pimples, blind people would try to read my face. Share on Facebook      
6682When I was a kid, I went to the store and ask the guy, "Do you have any toy train schedules?" Share on Facebook      
6683When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Share on Facebook      
6684When I was born they fired a 21-gun salute. Too bad they missed. Share on Facebook      
6685When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. Share on Facebook      
6686When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through. Share on Facebook      
6687When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" Share on Facebook      
6688When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse. Share on Facebook      
6689When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. Share on Facebook      
6690When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice. Share on Facebook      
6691When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile. Share on Facebook      
6692When I was young I was told that anyone could be president. Now I'm beginning to believe it. Share on Facebook      
6693When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just go "chunky dunking." Share on Facebook      
6694When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes." Share on Facebook      
6695When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself. Share on Facebook      
6696When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess. Share on Facebook      
6697When I'm home, my wife is my right hand. When she's gone it's the other way around. Share on Facebook      
6698When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Share on Facebook      
6699When ideas fail, words come in very handy. Share on Facebook      
6700When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess. Share on Facebook