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41On your mark, get set, go away! Share on Facebook      
42On your way down the banister of life, may your ass collect tons of splinters. Share on Facebook      
43Once over the hill, you pick up speed. Share on Facebook      
44Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in. Share on Facebook      
45Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them? He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide." Share on Facebook      
46Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. Share on Facebook      
47One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. Share on Facebook      
48One by one, the penguins steal my sanity. Share on Facebook      
49One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early." Share on Facebook      
50One day in Kindergarten, my teacher asked me, "What's your favorite T.V. show?". "Cartoons.", I replied. "Which one?" "CARTOONS!" Share on Facebook      
51One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway. Share on Facebook      
52One difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets Share on Facebook      
53One doesn't have to live in constant fear, unless of course one suffers from paranoia. Share on Facebook      
54One good thing about Alzheimer's is you meet new people every day. Share on Facebook      
55One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others. Share on Facebook      
56One good turn gets most of the blankets. Share on Facebook      
57One is too many, a thousand never enough. Share on Facebook      
58One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. Share on Facebook      
59One night a jet flew too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down. Share on Facebook      
60One night I came home very late. It was the next night. Share on Facebook