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41I am on a thirty day diet.So far, I have lost 15 days. Share on Facebook      
42I am reading a very interesting book about anti-gravity...I just can't put it down. Share on Facebook      
43I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Share on Facebook      
44I am so amazingly cool, you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip, I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis. Share on Facebook      
45I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied. Share on Facebook      
46I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion. Share on Facebook      
47I am trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass. Share on Facebook      
48I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them. Share on Facebook      
49I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. Share on Facebook      
50I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her. Share on Facebook      
51I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Share on Facebook      
52I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. Share on Facebook      
53I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet...he said "postage dew". Share on Facebook      
54I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in... she said "check books". Share on Facebook      
55I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No, one drag is enough." Share on Facebook      
56I asked my wife why she never blinks during foreplay...She said she doesn't have time. Share on Facebook      
57I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" Share on Facebook      
58I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. Share on Facebook      
59I ate a man's brain because he said I was stupider then him, and you know what, now I feel smarter. Isn't that neat? Share on Facebook      
60I beat up a white guy - got charged with GBH. I beat up a black guy - got charged with impersonating a police officer! Share on Facebook