Browse all oneliners

A   B   C   D   E   F   G   H   I   J   K   L   M   N   O   P   Q   R   S   T   U   V   W   X   Y   Z   Other


521Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours. Share on Facebook      
522Always guard your rear while you're in the hospital...You're in enema territory. Share on Facebook      
523Always keep several get well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean. Share on Facebook      
524Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Share on Facebook      
525Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it. Share on Facebook      
526Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. Share on Facebook      
527Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Share on Facebook      
528Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. Share on Facebook      
529Always remember to proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Share on Facebook      
530Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it! Share on Facebook      
531Always turn the radio on BEFORE you listen to it. Share on Facebook      
532Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day. Share on Facebook      
533Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no. Share on Facebook      
534Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? Share on Facebook      
535Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves. Share on Facebook      
536Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to avoid work. Share on Facebook      
537Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Share on Facebook      
538Ambivalent? Well yes and no.... Share on Facebook      
539America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. Share on Facebook      
540America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. Share on Facebook