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461I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium." Share on Facebook      
462I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks. Share on Facebook      
463I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. Share on Facebook      
464I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine. Share on Facebook      
465I love you because we speak the same body language. Share on Facebook      
466I made a bathing suit out of sponges. I went swimming, but when I got out no one could swim any more, so I went back. Share on Facebook      
467I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes". Share on Facebook      
468I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age. Share on Facebook      
469I married for money and I earned every dime of it. Share on Facebook      
470I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Share on Facebook      
471I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately! Share on Facebook      
472I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. Share on Facebook      
473I may be a bitch, but I am the pick of the litter. Share on Facebook      
474I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight! Share on Facebook      
475I may be getting older, but I've still got it. But lately, nobody wants to see it. Share on Facebook      
476I may be schizophrenic but at least I have each other. Share on Facebook      
477I may have a vacuum between my ears, but a least it's better than nothing. Share on Facebook      
478I may have another drunk in me, but do I have another recovery? Share on Facebook      
479I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them. Share on Facebook      
480I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock. Share on Facebook