Browse all oneliners

A   B   C   D   E   F   G   H   I   J   K   L   M   N   O   P   Q   R   S   T   U   V   W   X   Y   Z   Other


381I hope I'm the last guy on earth -- I wanna see if all those women were lying to me. Share on Facebook      
382I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money." Share on Facebook      
383I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious! Share on Facebook      
384I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Share on Facebook      
385I invented a substance that can eat through anything, but I can't find a place to store it. Share on Facebook      
386I invented the cordless extension cord. Share on Facebook      
387I is a college student. Share on Facebook      
388I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there. Share on Facebook      
389I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple. Share on Facebook      
390I just checked a height/weight chart and found out that I am 4 inches too short. Share on Facebook      
391I just found out that I'm going to be a father...how will I ever tell my wife? Share on Facebook      
392I just got back from a pleasure trip - I drove my wife to the airport ! Share on Facebook      
393I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Share on Facebook      
394I just let my mind wander, but it didn't come back yet. Share on Facebook      
395I just read that Prozac is no longer the No. 1 selling anti-depressant drug. That makes me feel sad. Share on Facebook      
396I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? Share on Facebook      
397I just want to put onions in your pants and cry myself to sleep. Share on Facebook      
398I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. Share on Facebook      
399I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on her legs. Share on Facebook      
400I knew a girl who went to beauty college and flunked cosmetics. They let her take a make up exam. Share on Facebook