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21Realize that no matter what you do, the grocery store check-out line you're in will always take the longest. Share on Facebook      
22Recently I performed at an animal rights barbecue. Share on Facebook      
23Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Share on Facebook      
24Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. Share on Facebook      
25Red meat is not bad for you. The blue-greenish meat, that's really bad for you. Share on Facebook      
26Refrain from lamenting over precipitately scattered lacteal fluid. Share on Facebook      
27Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. Share on Facebook      
28Rehab is for quitters. Share on Facebook      
29Reincarnation: Let's keep trying until we get it right. Share on Facebook      
30Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Share on Facebook      
31Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion. Share on Facebook      
32Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ... And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money! Share on Facebook      
33Religion easily--easily-- has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man. . .living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money. Share on Facebook      
34Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. Share on Facebook      
35Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. Share on Facebook      
36Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph. Share on Facebook      
37Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later. Share on Facebook      
38Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. Share on Facebook      
39Remember that fairytale about the uncircumcised troll? I think it was called 'Rumpled Foreskin' Share on Facebook      
40Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules. Share on Facebook