Browse all oneliners

A   B   C   D   E   F   G   H   I   J   K   L   M   N   O   P   Q   R   S   T   U   V   W   X   Y   Z   Other


321I have a million dollar figure...but it's all loose change! Share on Facebook      
322I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost. Share on Facebook      
323I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder. Share on Facebook      
324I have a strong will but a weak won't. Share on Facebook      
325I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!" Share on Facebook      
326I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. Share on Facebook      
327I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4:00 p.m. today. Share on Facebook      
328I have always heard about people like me, but I never made the connection. Share on Facebook      
329I have an alien name Westly. He tells me to burn things. Isn't that funny? Share on Facebook      
330I have an answering machine in my car. It says: I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. Share on Facebook      
331I have an existential map, it has 'you are here' written all over it. Share on Facebook      
332I have an inferiority complex, it's just not a very good one. Share on Facebook      
333I have an intense desire to return to the womb...anybody's. Share on Facebook      
334I have an irrational fear of hornets. They can fly and I can't, and that's just not fair... Share on Facebook      
335I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it. Share on Facebook      
336I have changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now. Share on Facebook      
337I have decided to live forever, or die in the attempt. Share on Facebook      
338I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week, and the government spends 7. Share on Facebook      
339I have enough money to last me the rest of my life,...unless I buy something. Share on Facebook      
340I have faith in fools, my friends call it self-confidence. Share on Facebook