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301When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile. Share on Facebook      
302When I was young I was told that anyone could be president. Now I'm beginning to believe it. Share on Facebook      
303When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just go "chunky dunking." Share on Facebook      
304When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes." Share on Facebook      
305When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself. Share on Facebook      
306When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess. Share on Facebook      
307When I'm home, my wife is my right hand. When she's gone it's the other way around. Share on Facebook      
308When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Share on Facebook      
309When ideas fail, words come in very handy. Share on Facebook      
310When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess. Share on Facebook      
311When in doubt, mumble. Share on Facebook      
312When in doubt, poke it with a stick. Share on Facebook      
313When in doubt, tell the truth. Share on Facebook      
314When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing. Share on Facebook      
315When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing. Share on Facebook      
316When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Share on Facebook      
317When it's dark enough you can see the stars. Share on Facebook      
318When Jesus was on the cross, to pass the time, did he pretend he was an airplane? Share on Facebook      
319When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed. Share on Facebook      
320When life gives you AIDS, make lemonaids! Share on Facebook