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301A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer and a mop. Share on Facebook      
302A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it's a forgery. Share on Facebook      
303A slice of bread will always land peanut-butter side down. If, by chance, you put peanut-butter on both sides of the slice, it will float forever. Share on Facebook      
304A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it. Share on Facebook      
305A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on. Share on Facebook      
306A smile is a wonderful thing. So don't waste them on someone unimportant. Share on Facebook      
307A smile is like tight underwear...it makes your cheeks go up. Share on Facebook      
308A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks, even if your teeth are crooked. Share on Facebook      
309A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. Share on Facebook      
310A speech is like a bicycle wheel -- the longer the spoke, the greater the tire. Share on Facebook      
311A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. Share on Facebook      
312A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them. Share on Facebook      
313A status symbol is a symbol, not status. Share on Facebook      
314A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him at my age I don't even buy green bananas. Share on Facebook      
315A stone thrown at the right time is better than gold given at the wrong time. Share on Facebook      
316A study in Scotland showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features; and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple. Share on Facebook      
317A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man. Share on Facebook      
318A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. Share on Facebook      
319A successful marriage isn't finding the right person - it's being the right person. Share on Facebook      
320A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly. Share on Facebook