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281I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other. I myself have been guilty of this. When I was a teenager, I stole a car and drove it out into the desert and set it on fire. When the police showed up, I just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress." Boy, did I have a lot to learn. Share on Facebook      
282I guess surrealism's not your cup of tuna. Share on Facebook      
283I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage. Share on Facebook      
284I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye. Share on Facebook      
285I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. Share on Facebook      
286I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo. Share on Facebook      
287I had a really good childhood up until I was nine. Then a classic case of divorce really affected me. Share on Facebook      
288I had amnesia once -- or twice. Share on Facebook      
289I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. Share on Facebook      
290I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... The study of milkmen. Share on Facebook      
291I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt. Share on Facebook      
292I had my coat hangers spayed. Share on Facebook      
293I had no electricity in my house - no lights, I couldn't see what I was doing. Good thing my camera had a flash. To make a sandwich, I had to take 60 pictures of my kitchen. My neighbors called the police -- they thought there was lightning in my house. Share on Facebook      
294I had parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone. Share on Facebook      
295I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. Share on Facebook      
296I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. Share on Facebook      
297I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Share on Facebook      
298I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. Share on Facebook      
299I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. Share on Facebook      
300I had to stop driving my car for a while, the tires got dizzy. Share on Facebook