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241I fish, therefore I lie. Share on Facebook      
242I fixed my refrigerator, the motor was burned so I replaced it with a motor from an old vacuum cleaner... I plugged in the power cord and now I can't get the door open... Share on Facebook      
243I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise. Share on Facebook      
244I fought the lawn and the lawn won. Share on Facebook      
245I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. Share on Facebook      
246I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18" Share on Facebook      
247I gave up on Computing Dating after I was stood up by two mainframes, a PC, and a laptop. Share on Facebook      
248I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. Share on Facebook      
249I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Share on Facebook      
250I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them. Share on Facebook      
251I go out for a quart of milk. I come home and find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park! Share on Facebook      
252I go to a woman dentist. It's a relief to be told to open my mouth instead of to shut it. Share on Facebook      
253I go to bed early: my favorite dream comes on at nine. Share on Facebook      
254I got a calculator and now I can't add without it. I got a spellchecker and I can't write without it anymore. I got a blowdryer and now my hair won't dry on its own. Share on Facebook      
255I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list. Share on Facebook      
256I got a fortune cookie once that said "You like Chinese food." Share on Facebook      
257I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open. Share on Facebook      
258I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference." Share on Facebook      
259I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing. Share on Facebook      
260I got a postcard from a blonde friend of mine. It said, "Having a good time. Where am I?" Share on Facebook