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221My check engine light came on the other day. I popped the hood and looked, and the engine is STILL there! Silly light.. Share on Facebook      
222MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!! Share on Facebook      
223My children need love the most when they deserve it the least. Share on Facebook      
224My Chinese girlfriend said "You shit in bed"... so I did. Share on Facebook      
225My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference. Share on Facebook      
226My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. Share on Facebook      
227My complexion is so bad, I look like the goalie for a dart team. Share on Facebook      
228My Dad was a workaholic. Everytime someone mentioned work, he got drunk. Share on Facebook      
229My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? Share on Facebook      
230My day is not complete until I terrify a complete stranger. Share on Facebook      
231My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments. Share on Facebook      
232My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph. Share on Facebook      
233My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years. Share on Facebook      
234My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. Share on Facebook      
235My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already. Share on Facebook      
236My dog can lick anyone! Share on Facebook      
237My dog is smarter than your honor student. Share on Facebook      
238My drinking team has a bowling problem. Share on Facebook      
239My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disabled teachers. Share on Facebook      
240My ex-husband was temperamental: 90% temper and 10% mental. Share on Facebook