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1Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified. Share on Facebook      
2Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator. Share on Facebook      
3Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra! Share on Facebook      
4Half measures availed us nothing. Share on Facebook      
5Half of a large intestine == 1 semicolon Share on Facebook      
6Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Share on Facebook      
7Half of my ancestors were women. Share on Facebook      
8Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence. Share on Facebook      
9Half the people in the world are below average. Share on Facebook      
10Half the people you know are below average. Share on Facebook      
11Half this game is ninety percent mental. Share on Facebook      
12Hallmark Card: "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." Share on Facebook      
13Hallmark Card: "As you grow older , Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..." Share on Facebook      
14Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?" Share on Facebook      
15Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again." Share on Facebook      
16Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." Share on Facebook      
17Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....Almost Lifelike!" Share on Facebook      
18Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas). Share on Facebook      
19Hallmark Card: "How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?" Share on Facebook      
20Hallmark Card: "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys." Share on Facebook