Funniest One Liners!

1Berkeley is noted for the invention of two items: LSD and UNIX. This is not a coincidence. Share on Facebook      
2You either have to be first, best, or different. Share on Facebook      
3I got a postcard from a blonde friend of mine. It said, "Having a good time. Where am I?" Share on Facebook      
4In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'. Share on Facebook      
5And he disappeared in a puff of logic. Share on Facebook      
6Universal truth: The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. Share on Facebook      
7Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. Share on Facebook      
8If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. Share on Facebook      
9Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced. Share on Facebook      
10What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. Share on Facebook      
11There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it. Share on Facebook      
12Never assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Share on Facebook      
13Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion. Share on Facebook      
14Palidan: Your pal Dan... until he kills you for thinking you're a heretic. Share on Facebook      
15Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. Share on Facebook      
16Think "honk" if you're telepathic. Share on Facebook      
17Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. Share on Facebook      
18Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. Share on Facebook      
19If you always take time to stop and smell the roses - sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. Share on Facebook      
20Analysis is electrolysis for the anus. Share on Facebook