| 1 | Someone died of a brain aneurism today while taking a standardized test. The last thing anyone saw him do was stand up, pull all his hair out and yell, "ABACADABA!! ABACADABA!!!! |
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| 2 | I bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend a whole evening in front of it in only 8 minutes. |
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| 3 | I was going to procrastinate. But I decided to leave it till later.
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| 4 | A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and "Ooooohhhhhh, that's much better." |
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| 5 | Why is it that to stop Microsoft Windows, you have to click on "Start"? |
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| 6 | A truth spoken before its time is dangerous. |
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| 7 | Don't be pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. |
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| 8 | Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. |
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| 9 | I like Florida. Everything is in the eighties. The temperatures, the ages, and the IQs. |
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| 10 | Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends. |
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| 11 | The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it. |
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| 12 | Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. |
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| 13 | I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.
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| 14 | Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. |
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| 15 | Gulf War Lite: High in accomplishments, with 2/3 fewer casualties than your regular war! |
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| 16 | If I get you advantage, can I take drunk of you? |
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| 17 | Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men? |
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| 18 | Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. |
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| 19 | If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning. |
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| 20 | I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, "Sorry, what was your name again?" |
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