Funniest One Liners!

1Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. Share on Facebook      
2It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Share on Facebook      
3I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters. Share on Facebook      
4Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast. Share on Facebook      
5Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy. Share on Facebook      
6I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. Share on Facebook      
7Vote Democrat - it's easier than working! Share on Facebook      
8Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. Share on Facebook      
9Life is short. So buy the shoes! Share on Facebook      
10When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. Share on Facebook      
11Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Share on Facebook      
12I tried to get a job at Office Depot. I didn't need the money. I just wanted to steal from a company that would never run out of office supplies. Share on Facebook      
13I was doing peyote when I took my SATs. I got 1800. Share on Facebook      
14Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. Share on Facebook      
15Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. Share on Facebook      
16Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. Share on Facebook      
17Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Share on Facebook      
18Ask me about my vow of silence. Share on Facebook      
19Entropy has us outnumbered. Share on Facebook      
20Things that must be together to work cannot usually be shipped together. Share on Facebook