| 1 | I doubt, therefore I might be! |
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| 2 | Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. |
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| 3 | Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. |
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| 4 | A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. |
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| 5 | The best things in life are free. So, how many kittens do you want?
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| 6 | If I look confused it's because I'm thinking. |
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| 7 | I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. |
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| 8 | If you need time alone, try cleaning the house. |
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| 9 | Follow your dream; unless it's the one where your naked at work during a fire drill. |
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| 10 | To foretell the destiny of a nation, one has to open the book of her past. |
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| 11 | I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick." |
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| 12 | In the beginning there was nothing. And God said, "Let there be light.", and there was still nothing; but everybody could see it. |
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| 13 | I tried Flintstone vitamins. I didn't feel any better, but I could stop the car with my feet. |
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| 14 | Hit any user to continue. |
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| 15 | It's amazing how your kids stop coming back home once they get their own washer and dryer. |
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| 16 | Everyone thinks I'm psychotic...except for my friends deep inside the earth. |
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| 17 | Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. |
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| 18 | Ever notice how ignorance picks-up confidence as it goes along. |
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| 19 | All things being equal, fat people use more soap. |
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| 20 | Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. |
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