| 1 | I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
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| 2 | Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places. |
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| 3 | If you're not having fun, then you're not doing it right. |
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| 4 | I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. |
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| 5 | Anything is easier to take apart than to put together. |
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| 6 | Don't tell a man how to do a thing. Tell him what you want done, and he'll surprise you with his ingenuity. |
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| 7 | What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? |
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| 8 | Law of the Non-smoker: The smoke in a room will always flow to the only non-smoker, despite the number of fans. If there are two non-smokers in the room, the smoke will split in half to equally antagonize them. |
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| 9 | You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions? |
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| 10 | Women and tax forms have a lot in common...Men love to cheat on them. |
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| 11 | A man who scratches his ass should not bite his fingernails.
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| 12 | I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you. |
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| 13 | The shortest distance between two points is under construction. |
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| 14 | Where am I going? And why am I in this HANDBASKET? |
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| 15 | I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. |
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| 16 | Do one thing at time, with supreme excellence. (NASA) |
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| 17 | I've had amnesia as long as I can remember. |
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| 18 | Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear? |
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| 19 | Vanna White has been very sick. She hasn't had a vowel movement since Thursday. |
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| 20 | If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight? |
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