Funniest One Liners!

1Marriage is like a cage: those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out. Share on Facebook      
2Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. Share on Facebook      
3Is there another word for synonym? Share on Facebook      
4Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. Share on Facebook      
5It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused. Share on Facebook      
6Love: the only game that two can play and both can win. Share on Facebook      
7Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. Share on Facebook      
8The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. Share on Facebook      
9Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts. Share on Facebook      
10If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. Share on Facebook      
11Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge [Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant] Share on Facebook      
12A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Share on Facebook      
13A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be. Share on Facebook      
14All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store, with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store." Share on Facebook      
15Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. Share on Facebook      
16As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. Share on Facebook      
17As an outsider, what do you think of the human race ? Share on Facebook      
18Quit while your still behind. Share on Facebook      
19As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a human head! Share on Facebook      
20A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet." Share on Facebook