| 1 | ARMY: It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. |
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| 2 | A bad plan is better than no plan. |
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| 3 | 'I'm not sure who he is, but I've heard he's got his hand in a lot of things.'- Kermit The Frog, about Jim Henson.
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| 4 | Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them? |
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| 5 | A penny saved is a government oversight. |
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| 6 | Man who run behind car get exhausted. |
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| 7 | The most effective copyright protection known to man: a scratched CD.
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| 8 | Deciding not to choose is still making a choice. |
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| 9 | I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on her legs. |
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| 10 | The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. |
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| 11 | I know you miss the Wainwrights, Bobby, but they were weak and stupid people - and that's why we have wolves and other large predators. |
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| 12 | Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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| 13 | I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. |
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| 14 | Never buy a car you can't push. |
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| 15 | I respect the truth too much to drag it out on every occasion. |
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| 16 | Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. |
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| 17 | Yesterday I went to the furniture store and bought myself a "decaffinated" coffee table |
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| 18 | If we're all God's children, what makes Jesus so special?
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| 19 | Arkansas State Motto: Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Laugh |
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| 20 | Ever wonder why we're here? Well, don't. For thousands of years, man has been trying to figure out the meaning of life, and I don't think you're going to be the one to get it, Mr. smartypants. |
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