| 1 | Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. |
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| 2 | It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. |
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| 3 | I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters. |
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| 4 | Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast. |
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| 5 | Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy. |
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| 6 | I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. |
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| 7 | Vote Democrat - it's easier than working! |
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| 8 | Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. |
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| 9 | Life is short. So buy the shoes!
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| 10 | When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. |
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| 11 | Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. |
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| 12 | I tried to get a job at Office Depot. I didn't need the money. I just wanted to steal from a company that would never run out of office supplies.
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| 13 | I was doing peyote when I took my SATs. I got 1800. |
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| 14 | Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. |
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| 15 | Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. |
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| 16 | Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. |
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| 17 | Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. |
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| 18 | Ask me about my vow of silence. |
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| 19 | Entropy has us outnumbered. |
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| 20 | Things that must be together to work cannot usually be shipped together. |
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