| 1 | Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them. |
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| 2 | I went into a clothes store the other day and a salesman walked up to me and said, "Can I help you?" and I said "Yeah, do you have anything I like?" He said, "What do you mean do we have anything you like?" I said, "You started this." |
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| 3 | Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. |
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| 4 | Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!
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| 5 | An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal. |
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| 6 | From the moment I picked your book up to the moment I set it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it. |
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| 7 | I never really learned the difference between what is right or wrong. That's why I automatically assume that whatever I say MUST be right. |
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| 8 | Something tells me that I shouldn't date until the world makes sense again. |
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| 9 | A jury consists of 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer. |
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| 10 | Practice safe sex, go screw yourself. |
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| 11 | A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago. |
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| 12 | A Pessimist is what an Optimist calls a Realist. |
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| 13 | Guests who kill talk show hosts--On the last Geraldo. |
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| 14 | My grandfather invented Cliff's Notes. It all started back in 1912. Well, to make a long story short... |
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| 15 | Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength. |
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| 16 | I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." |
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| 17 | A dog inside a kennel barks at his fleas. A dog hunting does not notice them. |
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| 18 | Half the people you know are below average. |
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| 19 | The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays "Helter Skelter." |
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| 20 | It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you are a fool than to open it and remove any lingering doubt. |
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