| 1 | Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. |
   |
| 2 | Half this game is ninety percent mental. |
|
| 3 | Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. |
|
| 4 | The person who says he trusts no one should include himself. |
|
| 5 | Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. |
|
| 6 | If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages. |
|
| 7 | I don't find it hard to meet expenses |
|
| 8 | Nature invented sex as a reward for letting go of childhood. |
|
| 9 | Stand on toilet: get high on pot. |
|
| 10 | You're about as useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest.
|
|
| 11 | All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store, with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store." |
|
| 12 | Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire. |
|
| 13 | Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. |
|
| 14 | In Democracy, it's your vote that counts. In Feudalism, it's your count that votes. |
|
| 15 | I solved the parking problem. I bought a parked car. |
|
| 16 | A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others. |
|
| 17 | Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. |
|
| 18 | One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house. |
|
| 19 | I must be a proctologist... because I work with assholes. |
|
| 20 | My dog is smarter than your honor student.
|
|
