| 1 | Despite what you may think, nobody wins in a butter eating contest. |
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| 2 | Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.
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| 3 | I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. |
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| 4 | Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show. |
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| 5 | Radar spelled backwards is radar. They get you coming and going. |
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| 6 | Old fishermen never die... they just smell that way. |
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| 7 | I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list. |
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| 8 | Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there. |
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| 9 | He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. |
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| 10 | Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. |
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| 11 | 666A, 666B - Tenants of the beast.
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| 12 | If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? |
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| 13 | Worry. God knows all about you. |
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| 14 | Any landing you can walk away from is a good one. |
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| 15 | Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse. |
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| 16 | If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex? |
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| 17 | Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
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| 18 | Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails. |
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| 19 | Be naughty and save Santa the trip. |
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| 20 | Then there's the story he tells about meeting the blond Chinese girl on a bus who tells him all her problems. She says she is on her way to therapy, because she is a nymphomaniac, but she only gets turned on by Jewish cowboys. She then says, "by the way, what is your name?" He says, "Hi, I'm Bucky Goldstein." |
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