Funniest One Liners!

1DARE to keep cops off donuts. Share on Facebook      
2A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist. Share on Facebook      
3My mental facilities are TWICE what yours are, you pea brain! Share on Facebook      
4What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? Share on Facebook      
5If I had a nickel for every time I forgot something, I don't know how much I'd have! Share on Facebook      
6Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Share on Facebook      
7Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra! Share on Facebook      
8Why do they call it a One Night Stand when you're horizontal most of the time ? Share on Facebook      
9Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Share on Facebook      
10Don't call us "gun nuts"! With a government like ours, we'd be nuts not to have guns! Share on Facebook      
11When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse. Share on Facebook      
12I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Share on Facebook      
13Most people don't act stupid - it's the real thing. Share on Facebook      
14My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures. Share on Facebook      
15Money can't buy happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places. Share on Facebook      
16One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. Share on Facebook      
17Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. Share on Facebook      
18A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price. Share on Facebook      
19I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Share on Facebook      
20If you're feeling lonely, if you're feeling blue, remember the mighty oak tree, was once a nut like you. Share on Facebook