Funniest One Liners!

1I work 45 hours a week to be this poor. Share on Facebook      
2There are 2 great secrets to success in life. The first is to not tell everything you know. Share on Facebook      
3The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably generally they are the same people. Share on Facebook      
4Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law. Share on Facebook      
5Drinking makes me see double and feel single. Share on Facebook      
6You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. Share on Facebook      
7Too much of a good thing is wonderful. Share on Facebook      
8Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. Share on Facebook      
9I married for money and I earned every dime of it. Share on Facebook      
10Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. Share on Facebook      
11There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it. Share on Facebook      
12A stone thrown at the right time is better than gold given at the wrong time. Share on Facebook      
13A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory! Share on Facebook      
14Write your questions down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them to me. Share on Facebook      
15Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. Share on Facebook      
16You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time. Share on Facebook      
17I am on a thirty day diet.So far, I have lost 15 days. Share on Facebook      
18Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Share on Facebook      
19I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? Share on Facebook      
20If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? Share on Facebook