| 1 | Berkeley is noted for the invention of two items: LSD and UNIX. This is not a coincidence. |
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| 2 | You either have to be first, best, or different. |
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| 3 | I got a postcard from a blonde friend of mine. It said, "Having a good time. Where am I?" |
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| 4 | In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
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| 5 | And he disappeared in a puff of logic.
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| 6 | Universal truth: The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
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| 7 | Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. |
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| 8 | If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. |
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| 9 | Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced. |
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| 10 | What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. |
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| 11 | There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.
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| 12 | Never assume malice for what stupidity can explain. |
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| 13 | Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion. |
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| 14 | Palidan: Your pal Dan... until he kills you for thinking you're a heretic. |
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| 15 | Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. |
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| 16 | Think "honk" if you're telepathic. |
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| 17 | Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. |
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| 18 | Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. |
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| 19 | If you always take time to stop and smell the roses - sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. |
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| 20 | Analysis is electrolysis for the anus. |
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