Funniest One Liners!

1It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!' Share on Facebook      
2A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after. Share on Facebook      
3Think globally, Act galactically. Share on Facebook      
4If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant. Share on Facebook      
5A flying particle will always seek the nearest eye. Share on Facebook      
6The only person to invite you on a round-the-world trip would be the Flat Earth Society. Share on Facebook      
7I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. Share on Facebook      
8Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Share on Facebook      
9Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute? Share on Facebook      
10If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance. Share on Facebook      
11I don't say we ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as though we could. Share on Facebook      
12See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. Share on Facebook      
13May your trouble be like the old man's teeth...few and far between. Share on Facebook      
14Does confusion come with an itchy head? Share on Facebook      
15When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Share on Facebook      
16The closest thing he had to a brainstorm, was a slow drizzle. Share on Facebook      
17Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son." Share on Facebook      
18Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case. Share on Facebook      
19Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the chairman of the board. Share on Facebook      
20Health plans are like hospital gowns...You only think you're covered. Share on Facebook