| 1 | 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than marry a woman you can't defrost. |
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| 2 | A lie has no legs to stand on, but it gets places. |
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| 3 | Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance. |
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| 4 | Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? |
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| 5 | Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up. |
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| 6 | The most common pregnancy craving is for men to be the ones who get pregnant. |
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| 7 | Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything. |
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| 8 | We must believe in free will. We have no choice. |
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| 9 | Excuse me, is there an airport nearby large enough for a private jet to land? |
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| 10 | I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. |
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| 11 | It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. |
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| 12 | When you are trying to convince yourself something is right, it is usually wrong. |
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| 13 | They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES! |
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| 14 | Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep |
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| 15 | I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't knowwhen I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job,and I don't want it. |
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| 16 | Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? |
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| 17 | It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. |
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| 18 | Robertology: The study of Bob... |
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| 19 | I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store "Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday." |
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| 20 | If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. |
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