| 1 | It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
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| 2 | MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team. |
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| 3 | That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. |
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| 4 | My wife says my lovemaking is like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster. |
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| 5 | Sometimes I just can't prevent clean thoughts from entering my mind. |
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| 6 | Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. |
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| 7 | I don't see what all the fuss is about, if those dolphins were so smart, they wouldn't hang out with tuna.
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| 8 | I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this? The dog? |
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| 9 | My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often. |
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| 10 | Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. |
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| 11 | Don't be a sexist, broads hate that. |
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| 12 | When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano. |
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| 13 | The measure of a man's intelligence is inversely proportional to the amount of time he keeps his mouth open. |
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| 14 | When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear. |
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| 15 | Look before you leak, for he who hesitates gets wet shoes. |
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| 16 | Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence. |
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| 17 | Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. |
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| 18 | If someone cuts you off in traffic, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. |
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| 19 | Where am I going? And why am I in this HANDBASKET? |
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| 20 | Put one foot in front of the other. |
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