| 1 | A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ...
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| 2 | The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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| 3 | Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. |
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| 4 | A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God. |
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| 5 | If you dream as big as you can dream anything is possible. |
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| 6 | It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you lay the blame. |
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| 7 | When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage? |
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| 8 | Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you. |
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| 9 | If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
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| 10 | It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are. |
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| 11 | In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
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| 12 | Suicide is a way of telling God 'You can't fire me... I QUIT!' |
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| 13 | I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil. |
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| 14 | Remember, you are not alone. Everybody's family is crazy. |
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| 15 | My wife says that when she tells me something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. When I tell her something, It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. |
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| 16 | My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends. |
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| 17 | Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey. |
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| 18 | A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. |
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| 19 | Is it OK to use the AM radio in the afternoon? |
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| 20 | A drunk is a sick human being trying to get well, not a bad one trying to be good. |
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