Funniest One Liners!

1Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer. Share on Facebook      
2I can get a job. I can pay the phone bill. I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut down my cholesterol. I can work overtime. I can work in a mine. I can do it all for you, but I don't want to. Share on Facebook      
3Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?" Share on Facebook      
4Chocolate: the OTHER major food group. Share on Facebook      
5Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready. Share on Facebook      
6Death is life's way of telling you you're fired. Share on Facebook      
7Gulf War Lite: High in accomplishments, with 2/3 fewer casualties than your regular war! Share on Facebook      
8There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. Share on Facebook      
9Don't eat the green ones. They're not ripe yet. Share on Facebook      
10Think globally, Act galactically. Share on Facebook      
11I'm not on Myspace... I'm right here. Share on Facebook      
12Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Share on Facebook      
13I live the same as I type: Fast and with lots of mistakes. Share on Facebook      
14Progress may have been all right once, but it went on too long. Share on Facebook      
15A backyard barbecue draws two things...flies and relatives. Share on Facebook      
16The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. Share on Facebook      
17What some people mistake for the high cost of living, is really the cost of living high. Share on Facebook      
18If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. Share on Facebook      
19It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. Share on Facebook      
20You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. Share on Facebook