| 1 | To every complex problem there is an easy answer; and it is wrong! |
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| 2 | Bosses are like legs... When they get to the top, they become asses. |
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| 3 | The Congress is a strange place where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs. |
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| 4 | Work is for people who don't know how to fish. |
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| 5 | Crazy people go through the forest by taking take the psycho path. |
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| 6 | Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it |
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| 7 | A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. |
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| 8 | The most interesting results happen only once. |
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| 9 | Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning. |
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| 10 | Newbie: gathers honey 80% faster. |
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| 11 | We'll get along just fine as soon as you realize I'm God. |
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| 12 | No good deed goes unpunished. |
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| 13 | Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your type here." |
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| 14 | Universal truth: Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
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| 15 | I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again.
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| 16 | Live for today. Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery. |
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| 17 | Put one foot in front of the other. |
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| 18 | My socks DO match. They're the same thickness. |
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| 19 | An appendix is something found in the back of a book. Sometimes they get inside people and have to be taken out. |
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| 20 | It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. |
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