Funniest One Liners!

1That was Zen. This is Tao. Share on Facebook      
2I can calculate trajectories, I can analyze chemical compositions so why can't I figure out where the other sock is after using the dryer? Share on Facebook      
3Benign is what you'll be after you're be eight. Share on Facebook      
4Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it. Share on Facebook      
5Most people don't act stupid - it's the real thing. Share on Facebook      
6Hey, I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's! Share on Facebook      
7You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows... That's how I originally got pierced ears. Share on Facebook      
8You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you exercise. Share on Facebook      
9I gave up on Computing Dating after I was stood up by two mainframes, a PC, and a laptop. Share on Facebook      
10There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. Share on Facebook      
11If Elvis were alive right now, he'd be scratching at the inside of his coffin. Share on Facebook      
12A woman voting for divorce is like a turkey voting for Christmas. Share on Facebook      
13I feel that there is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking. Share on Facebook      
14I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. Share on Facebook      
15Your children know you love them by your presence, not your presents. Share on Facebook      
16I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.She asked, "Do I click the square?"I said, "Yes."She asked me, "Single click or double click?" Share on Facebook      
17Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none. Share on Facebook      
18This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me. Share on Facebook      
19The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it. Share on Facebook      
20Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. Share on Facebook