| 1 | A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." |
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| 2 | Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition. |
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| 3 | Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever. |
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| 4 | Fanatics are the first to betray their beliefs in order to defend them. |
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| 5 | Is "tired old cliche" one? |
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| 6 | An adult is someone old enough to know better. |
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| 7 | A smile is like tight underwear...it makes your cheeks go up. |
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| 8 | My wife says my lovemaking is like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster. |
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| 9 | We must believe in free will. We have no choice. |
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| 10 | A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show. |
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| 11 | At my age, actions creak louder than words. |
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| 12 | Show me Miss Piggy's laundry and I'll show you a lot of hogwash.
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| 13 | Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. |
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| 14 | I am at one with my duality. |
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| 15 | When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.
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| 16 | I couldn't afford to buy cotton so I decided to be abrasive, and steel wool.
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| 17 | A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend. |
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| 18 | I would have made a good Pope. |
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| 19 | I was going to procrastinate. But I decided to leave it till later.
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| 20 | At six I was left an orphan. What the hell is a six year old supposed to do with an orphan?! |
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