Funniest One Liners!

1Hallmark Card: "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." Share on Facebook      
2If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Share on Facebook      
3Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter. Share on Facebook      
4A man usually feels better after a few winks...especially if she winks back ! Share on Facebook      
5The woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right.... But she is more often left. Share on Facebook      
6Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can. Share on Facebook      
7If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? Share on Facebook      
8No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. Share on Facebook      
9Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. Share on Facebook      
10In the last 30 years, I've gone from "whatever" to "Depends". Share on Facebook      
11Universal truth: Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. Share on Facebook      
12My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. Share on Facebook      
13The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it. Share on Facebook      
14Illiterate... what you are if you can't read this. Share on Facebook      
15My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band." Share on Facebook      
16C code. C code run. Run, code, run! PLEASE! Share on Facebook      
17To some its a six-pack, to me its a support group. Share on Facebook      
18Prime numbers are divisible by zero. That's why they're the best numbers. Share on Facebook      
19They say it's never too late to learn to play the piano, but at 2 a.m., I really wish my roommate would quit and go to bed. Share on Facebook      
20Do communion wafers taste better in Corpus Christi, Texas, or in Sacramento, California? Share on Facebook