| 1 | Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer. |
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| 2 | I can get a job. I can pay the phone bill. I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut down my cholesterol. I can work overtime. I can work in a mine. I can do it all for you, but I don't want to. |
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| 3 | Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?" |
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| 4 | Chocolate: the OTHER major food group. |
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| 5 | Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready. |
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| 6 | Death is life's way of telling you you're fired. |
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| 7 | Gulf War Lite: High in accomplishments, with 2/3 fewer casualties than your regular war! |
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| 8 | There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. |
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| 9 | Don't eat the green ones. They're not ripe yet. |
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| 10 | Think globally, Act galactically.
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| 11 | I'm not on Myspace... I'm right here. |
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| 12 | Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. |
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| 13 | I live the same as I type: Fast and with lots of mistakes. |
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| 14 | Progress may have been all right once, but it went on too long. |
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| 15 | A backyard barbecue draws two things...flies and relatives. |
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| 16 | The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
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| 17 | What some people mistake for the high cost of living, is really the cost of living high. |
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| 18 | If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. |
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| 19 | It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. |
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| 20 | You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. |
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