Funniest One Liners!

1ARMY: It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. Share on Facebook      
2A bad plan is better than no plan. Share on Facebook      
3'I'm not sure who he is, but I've heard he's got his hand in a lot of things.'- Kermit The Frog, about Jim Henson. Share on Facebook      
4Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them? Share on Facebook      
5A penny saved is a government oversight. Share on Facebook      
6Man who run behind car get exhausted. Share on Facebook      
7The most effective copyright protection known to man: a scratched CD. Share on Facebook      
8Deciding not to choose is still making a choice. Share on Facebook      
9I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on her legs. Share on Facebook      
10The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. Share on Facebook      
11I know you miss the Wainwrights, Bobby, but they were weak and stupid people - and that's why we have wolves and other large predators. Share on Facebook      
12Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. Share on Facebook      
13I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Share on Facebook      
14Never buy a car you can't push. Share on Facebook      
15I respect the truth too much to drag it out on every occasion. Share on Facebook      
16Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Share on Facebook      
17Yesterday I went to the furniture store and bought myself a "decaffinated" coffee table Share on Facebook      
18If we're all God's children, what makes Jesus so special? Share on Facebook      
19Arkansas State Motto: Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Laugh Share on Facebook      
20Ever wonder why we're here? Well, don't. For thousands of years, man has been trying to figure out the meaning of life, and I don't think you're going to be the one to get it, Mr. smartypants. Share on Facebook