Funniest One Liners!

1Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious. Share on Facebook      
2Mathematics: Physics without purpose. Share on Facebook      
3If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Share on Facebook      
4If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. Share on Facebook      
5A pessimist is a man who feels that all women are bad...an optimist hopes so. Share on Facebook      
6In case of emergency, speak in clichés. Share on Facebook      
7Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down. Share on Facebook      
8Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everyone thinks they got the biggest piece. Share on Facebook      
9I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four." Share on Facebook      
10I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. Share on Facebook      
11Thank you for not annoying me more than you do. Share on Facebook      
12The question is not who is Roy Rogers, but who ARE Roy Rogers. Share on Facebook      
13An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. Share on Facebook      
14When speaking to your children: say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it. Share on Facebook      
15I stopped taking tranquilizers... I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to. Share on Facebook      
16He met her in a revolving door and has been going around with her ever since. Share on Facebook      
17If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter? Share on Facebook      
18Prometheus: Wouldn't it have been easier and more convenient to steal the fire from hell? Share on Facebook      
19My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.... Share on Facebook      
20When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. Share on Facebook