Funniest One Liners!

1Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. Share on Facebook      
2Half this game is ninety percent mental. Share on Facebook      
3Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. Share on Facebook      
4The person who says he trusts no one should include himself. Share on Facebook      
5Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Share on Facebook      
6If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages. Share on Facebook      
7I don't find it hard to meet expenses Share on Facebook      
8Nature invented sex as a reward for letting go of childhood. Share on Facebook      
9Stand on toilet: get high on pot. Share on Facebook      
10You're about as useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest. Share on Facebook      
11All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store, with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store." Share on Facebook      
12Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire. Share on Facebook      
13Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. Share on Facebook      
14In Democracy, it's your vote that counts. In Feudalism, it's your count that votes. Share on Facebook      
15I solved the parking problem. I bought a parked car. Share on Facebook      
16A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others. Share on Facebook      
17Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. Share on Facebook      
18One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house. Share on Facebook      
19I must be a proctologist... because I work with assholes. Share on Facebook      
20My dog is smarter than your honor student. Share on Facebook