Funniest One Liners!

1Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman. Share on Facebook      
2There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot. Share on Facebook      
3Dijon vu: the feeling you've had this mustard before. Share on Facebook      
4Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one. Share on Facebook      
5Photons have mass?! I didn't even know they were Catholic... Share on Facebook      
6365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling == 1 lite year Share on Facebook      
7Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. Share on Facebook      
8I'm thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out my nose. Share on Facebook      
9A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.. Share on Facebook      
10Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Share on Facebook      
11First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down. Share on Facebook      
12Worry is the first time you can't do it a second time; panic is the second time you can't do it the first time. Share on Facebook      
13Guns don't kill people ... Driving 40 in the fast lane kills people. Share on Facebook      
14The trouble with some self-made men is that they worship their creator. Share on Facebook      
15I only work to enjoy when I am not working. Share on Facebook      
16I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property. Share on Facebook      
17Go on. Add some variety to your sex life... Use the other hand! Share on Facebook      
18Everything is possible; just not too probable. Share on Facebook      
19Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'. Share on Facebook      
20If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions. Share on Facebook