Funniest One Liners!

1Someone died of a brain aneurism today while taking a standardized test. The last thing anyone saw him do was stand up, pull all his hair out and yell, "ABACADABA!! ABACADABA!!!! Share on Facebook      
2I bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend a whole evening in front of it in only 8 minutes. Share on Facebook      
3I was going to procrastinate. But I decided to leave it till later. Share on Facebook      
4A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and "Ooooohhhhhh, that's much better." Share on Facebook      
5Why is it that to stop Microsoft Windows, you have to click on "Start"? Share on Facebook      
6A truth spoken before its time is dangerous. Share on Facebook      
7Don't be pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. Share on Facebook      
8Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. Share on Facebook      
9I like Florida. Everything is in the eighties. The temperatures, the ages, and the IQs. Share on Facebook      
10Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends. Share on Facebook      
11The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it. Share on Facebook      
12Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. Share on Facebook      
13I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags. Share on Facebook      
14Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. Share on Facebook      
15Gulf War Lite: High in accomplishments, with 2/3 fewer casualties than your regular war! Share on Facebook      
16If I get you advantage, can I take drunk of you? Share on Facebook      
17Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men? Share on Facebook      
18Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. Share on Facebook      
19If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning. Share on Facebook      
20I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, "Sorry, what was your name again?" Share on Facebook