| 1 | Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. |
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| 2 | Babies are born with over 600 bones, but by adulthood they have fused into 2 large bones, Left and Right. |
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| 3 | I hate the country, all those animals walking around un-cooked.
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| 4 | I've dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.
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| 5 | Few women admit their age, few men act it. |
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| 6 | Nostalgia is a device that removes the ruts and the potholes from Memory Lane. |
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| 7 | Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!. |
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| 8 | Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in our living rooms.
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| 9 | Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. |
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| 10 | I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. |
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| 11 | To live your life to the fullest, you've got to be a master of economics... after all, time's demand is always far exceeding it's supply. |
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| 12 | By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
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| 13 | They call them fingers, but I've never seen them fing. <Pause> Oh wait - there they go. |
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| 14 | The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. |
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| 15 | Electrical Engineers do it with more power and at higher frequency. |
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| 16 | A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does, but he is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he does. |
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| 17 | If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people get married more than once. |
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| 18 | I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. |
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| 19 | Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. |
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| 20 | National Atheist's Day April 1st |
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