Funniest One Liners!

1I like to leave messages before the beep. Share on Facebook      
2Police Station toilet stolen: cops have nothing to go on. Share on Facebook      
3Don't make your doctor your heir. Share on Facebook      
4If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Share on Facebook      
5If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts? Share on Facebook      
6Grace is the divine ability to cope with every circumstance. Share on Facebook      
7Some people's brains are like the prison system...not enough cells per person. Share on Facebook      
8It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money. Share on Facebook      
9Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Share on Facebook      
10You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. Share on Facebook      
11You can't think your way into a new way of living... You have to live your way into a new way of thinking. Share on Facebook      
12I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms. Share on Facebook      
13Look before you leak, for he who hesitates gets wet shoes. Share on Facebook      
14There is nothing two people can't do as long as one of them is God. Share on Facebook      
15Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone! Share on Facebook      
16A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know. Share on Facebook      
17My parents were so poor, they got married for the rice. Share on Facebook      
18I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. Share on Facebook      
19A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye. Share on Facebook      
20A gentleman is a patient wolf. Share on Facebook