Funniest One Liners!

1'Tis better to have loved and lost, than marry a woman you can't defrost. Share on Facebook      
2A lie has no legs to stand on, but it gets places. Share on Facebook      
3Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance. Share on Facebook      
4Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? Share on Facebook      
5Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up. Share on Facebook      
6The most common pregnancy craving is for men to be the ones who get pregnant. Share on Facebook      
7Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything. Share on Facebook      
8We must believe in free will. We have no choice. Share on Facebook      
9Excuse me, is there an airport nearby large enough for a private jet to land? Share on Facebook      
10I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. Share on Facebook      
11It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. Share on Facebook      
12When you are trying to convince yourself something is right, it is usually wrong. Share on Facebook      
13They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES! Share on Facebook      
14Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep Share on Facebook      
15I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't knowwhen I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job,and I don't want it. Share on Facebook      
16Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Share on Facebook      
17It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Share on Facebook      
18Robertology: The study of Bob... Share on Facebook      
19I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store "Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday." Share on Facebook      
20If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. Share on Facebook