| 1 | Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious. |
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| 2 | Mathematics: Physics without purpose. |
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| 3 | If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? |
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| 4 | If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. |
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| 5 | A pessimist is a man who feels that all women are bad...an optimist hopes so. |
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| 6 | In case of emergency, speak in clichés. |
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| 7 | Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down. |
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| 8 | Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everyone thinks they got the biggest piece. |
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| 9 | I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four." |
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| 10 | I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. |
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| 11 | Thank you for not annoying me more than you do. |
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| 12 | The question is not who is Roy Rogers, but who ARE Roy Rogers. |
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| 13 | An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. |
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| 14 | When speaking to your children: say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it. |
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| 15 | I stopped taking tranquilizers... I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to. |
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| 16 | He met her in a revolving door and has been going around with her ever since.
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| 17 | If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter? |
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| 18 | Prometheus: Wouldn't it have been easier and more convenient to steal the fire from hell? |
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| 19 | My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality....
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| 20 | When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. |
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