| 1 | I don't file my nails anymore...I just throw them away like everyone else. |
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| 2 | Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr. |
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| 3 | Marriage? Sorry, I can't mate in captivity. |
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| 4 | People do not change, they only become more so. |
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| 5 | You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. |
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| 6 | Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. |
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| 7 | It's great to be in my current company's employ. They offer excellent benefits, competitive pay, and a work-free smokeplace |
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| 8 | Warning: Trespassers will be shot |
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| 9 | I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully. |
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| 10 | Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician. |
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| 11 | In parts of the world, people still pray in the streets. In this country they're called pedestrians.
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| 12 | A young hooker uses Vaseline to get it in...an old one uses PolyGrip to keep it in. |
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| 13 | Everyone needs to be loved. Especially when they don't deserve it. |
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| 14 | If it were worth buying, they wouldn't be selling it door to door. |
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| 15 | I'm free to go, so I will stay! |
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| 16 | I started out with nothing and I still have most of it. |
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| 17 | Never moon a werewolf. |
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| 18 | Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. |
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| 19 | Very few things upset my wife. It makes me feel rather special to be one of them. |
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| 20 | You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. |
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