Funniest One Liners!

1Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though. Share on Facebook      
2Success stops when you do. Share on Facebook      
3The measure of a man's intelligence is inversely proportional to the amount of time he keeps his mouth open. Share on Facebook      
4Congress; Contradictory Oppressive Nimrods Greatly Risk Every Social Standpoint. Share on Facebook      
5Optimist: A person who travels on nothing, from nowhere, to happiness. Share on Facebook      
6Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church. Share on Facebook      
7I was so poor, I couldn't pay attention. Share on Facebook      
8When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey. Share on Facebook      
9My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides. Share on Facebook      
10The plural form of moose is actually meese. Share on Facebook      
11My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Share on Facebook      
12My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you? Share on Facebook      
13Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. Share on Facebook      
14When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies? Share on Facebook      
15A day off is always more welcome when it's unexpected. Share on Facebook      
16Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. Share on Facebook      
17A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. Share on Facebook      
18Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water. Share on Facebook      
19If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Share on Facebook      
20You either have to be first, best, or different. Share on Facebook