Funniest One Liners!

1Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Share on Facebook      
2If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth. Share on Facebook      
3To be or not to be... I think its a trick question. Share on Facebook      
4If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. Share on Facebook      
5Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Share on Facebook      
6Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous. Share on Facebook      
7Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later. Share on Facebook      
8In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Share on Facebook      
9I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2 inches taller. Share on Facebook      
10New and Improved TIDE now has LSD. In each box, you get a trip to the laundromat. Share on Facebook      
11Whenever you make a big buy, it will go on sale the next day. Share on Facebook      
12First rule of acting: whatever happens, look as if it were intended. Share on Facebook      
13When all else fails, lower your standards. Share on Facebook      
14Life is a roller coaster.You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it. Share on Facebook      
15People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse. Share on Facebook      
16Carpenter's rule: cut to fit, beat into place. Share on Facebook      
17Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition! Share on Facebook      
18If all else fails, read the directions. Share on Facebook      
19Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Share on Facebook      
20Never mistake motion for action. Share on Facebook