| 1 | Universal truth: Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
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| 2 | How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes? |
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| 3 | Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks? |
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| 4 | This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant. |
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| 5 | If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples. |
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| 6 | My father was a small claims court jester. |
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| 7 | A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on. |
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| 8 | For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny. |
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| 9 | Sure I had a drinking problem, but I looked at it more as a drinking opportunity. |
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| 10 | Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.
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| 11 | If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? |
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| 12 | We need either less corruption or more chances to participate in it. |
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| 13 | The American Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women.
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| 14 | Men are like roses. Watch out for the pricks. |
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| 15 | Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. |
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| 16 | When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, "If this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety." |
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| 17 | We can't control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails. |
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| 18 | Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?" |
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| 19 | Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) |
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| 20 | Computers cut my work in half.... and the boss expects me to put it all back together! |
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