Funniest One Liners!

1It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. Share on Facebook      
2MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team. Share on Facebook      
3That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. Share on Facebook      
4My wife says my lovemaking is like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster. Share on Facebook      
5Sometimes I just can't prevent clean thoughts from entering my mind. Share on Facebook      
6Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. Share on Facebook      
7I don't see what all the fuss is about, if those dolphins were so smart, they wouldn't hang out with tuna. Share on Facebook      
8I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this? The dog? Share on Facebook      
9My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often. Share on Facebook      
10Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Share on Facebook      
11Don't be a sexist, broads hate that. Share on Facebook      
12When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano. Share on Facebook      
13The measure of a man's intelligence is inversely proportional to the amount of time he keeps his mouth open. Share on Facebook      
14When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear. Share on Facebook      
15Look before you leak, for he who hesitates gets wet shoes. Share on Facebook      
16Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence. Share on Facebook      
17Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. Share on Facebook      
18If someone cuts you off in traffic, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. Share on Facebook      
19Where am I going? And why am I in this HANDBASKET? Share on Facebook      
20Put one foot in front of the other. Share on Facebook