Funniest One Liners!

1A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ... Share on Facebook      
2The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Share on Facebook      
3Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. Share on Facebook      
4A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God. Share on Facebook      
5If you dream as big as you can dream anything is possible. Share on Facebook      
6It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you lay the blame. Share on Facebook      
7When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage? Share on Facebook      
8Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you. Share on Facebook      
9If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. Share on Facebook      
10It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are. Share on Facebook      
11In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues. Share on Facebook      
12Suicide is a way of telling God 'You can't fire me... I QUIT!' Share on Facebook      
13I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil. Share on Facebook      
14Remember, you are not alone. Everybody's family is crazy. Share on Facebook      
15My wife says that when she tells me something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. When I tell her something, It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. Share on Facebook      
16My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends. Share on Facebook      
17Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey. Share on Facebook      
18A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Share on Facebook      
19Is it OK to use the AM radio in the afternoon? Share on Facebook      
20A drunk is a sick human being trying to get well, not a bad one trying to be good. Share on Facebook