| 1 | DARE to keep cops off donuts. |
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| 2 | A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist. |
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| 3 | My mental facilities are TWICE what yours are, you pea brain! |
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| 4 | What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? |
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| 5 | If I had a nickel for every time I forgot something, I don't know how much I'd have! |
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| 6 | Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. |
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| 7 | Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra! |
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| 8 | Why do they call it a One Night Stand when you're horizontal most of the time ? |
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| 9 | Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. |
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| 10 | Don't call us "gun nuts"! With a government like ours, we'd be nuts not to have guns! |
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| 11 | When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse. |
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| 12 | I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. |
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| 13 | Most people don't act stupid - it's the real thing. |
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| 14 | My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures.
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| 15 | Money can't buy happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places. |
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| 16 | One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
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| 17 | Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. |
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| 18 | A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price. |
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| 19 | I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. |
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| 20 | If you're feeling lonely, if you're feeling blue, remember the mighty oak tree, was once a nut like you. |
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