Funniest One Liners!

1Universal truth: Some days you see lots of people on crutches. Share on Facebook      
2How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes? Share on Facebook      
3Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks? Share on Facebook      
4This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant. Share on Facebook      
5If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples. Share on Facebook      
6My father was a small claims court jester. Share on Facebook      
7A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on. Share on Facebook      
8For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny. Share on Facebook      
9Sure I had a drinking problem, but I looked at it more as a drinking opportunity. Share on Facebook      
10Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure. Share on Facebook      
11If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? Share on Facebook      
12We need either less corruption or more chances to participate in it. Share on Facebook      
13The American Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women. Share on Facebook      
14Men are like roses. Watch out for the pricks. Share on Facebook      
15Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Share on Facebook      
16When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, "If this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety." Share on Facebook      
17We can't control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails. Share on Facebook      
18Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?" Share on Facebook      
19Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) Share on Facebook      
20Computers cut my work in half.... and the boss expects me to put it all back together! Share on Facebook