Funniest One Liners!

1Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between. Share on Facebook      
2Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. Share on Facebook      
3I find that planning my future saves me from regretting my past. Share on Facebook      
4Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it Share on Facebook      
5To be content with little is hard; to be content with much is impossible. Share on Facebook      
6The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. Share on Facebook      
7I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Share on Facebook      
8Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool. Share on Facebook      
9A professional golfer takes longer to line up a six-foot putt than the Toyota Corporation takes to turn raw iron ore into a Corolla. Share on Facebook      
10Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. Share on Facebook      
11The only job you start at the top is digging a hole. Share on Facebook      
12Of course I have friends! I have Jerry, he's the one standing behind you with the machette. Share on Facebook      
13You say tomato, I say ketchup. Share on Facebook      
14If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria. Share on Facebook      
15Go now, or forever hold your pee. Share on Facebook      
16My mind is like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. Share on Facebook      
17Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Share on Facebook      
18Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. Share on Facebook      
19Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen. Share on Facebook      
20There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. Share on Facebook