| 1 | It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!' |
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| 2 | A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after. |
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| 3 | Think globally, Act galactically.
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| 4 | If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant. |
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| 5 | A flying particle will always seek the nearest eye. |
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| 6 | The only person to invite you on a round-the-world trip would be the Flat Earth Society.
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| 7 | I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. |
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| 8 | Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
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| 9 | Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute? |
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| 10 | If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance. |
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| 11 | I don't say we ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as though we could. |
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| 12 | See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. |
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| 13 | May your trouble be like the old man's teeth...few and far between. |
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| 14 | Does confusion come with an itchy head? |
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| 15 | When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? |
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| 16 | The closest thing he had to a brainstorm, was a slow drizzle. |
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| 17 | Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son." |
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| 18 | Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case. |
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| 19 | Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the chairman of the board. |
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| 20 | Health plans are like hospital gowns...You only think you're covered. |
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