Funniest One Liners!

1The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% probability you will get it wrong. Share on Facebook      
2I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Share on Facebook      
3An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Share on Facebook      
4See my halo bright and shiny, but mess with me and I'll kick your hiney. Share on Facebook      
5To say that a man can not love one woman at a time is ridiculous. It is like saying a musician needs more than one violin to play the same piece of music. Share on Facebook      
6There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. Share on Facebook      
7It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up. Share on Facebook      
8I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. Share on Facebook      
9I lost a button hole today. Where am I gonna find another one? Share on Facebook      
10It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it. Share on Facebook      
11An alcoholic is someone whose feet are firmly planted in thin air. Share on Facebook      
12Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up. Share on Facebook      
13If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? Share on Facebook      
14The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. Share on Facebook      
15Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around. Share on Facebook      
16Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing. Share on Facebook      
17Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Share on Facebook      
18The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off of it. Share on Facebook      
19There are no short cuts to any place worth going. Share on Facebook      
20Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant. Share on Facebook