Funniest One Liners!

1I bought an album that teaches you Spanish while you sleep. During the night the record skipped, so now I can only stutter in Spanish. Share on Facebook      
2Why do men forget everything and women remember everything? Share on Facebook      
3One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. Share on Facebook      
4The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. Share on Facebook      
5When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. Share on Facebook      
6Adam met Eve and turned over a new leaf. Share on Facebook      
7A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. Share on Facebook      
8Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that. Share on Facebook      
9I have to say that, in a darkened room, a flaming toilet has a strange kind of beauty that can only be described as 'a strange kind of beauty.' Share on Facebook      
10I have an alien name Westly. He tells me to burn things. Isn't that funny? Share on Facebook      
11If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on. Share on Facebook      
12Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Share on Facebook      
13If you put it off long enough, it might go away. Share on Facebook      
14Failure takes the path of least persistence. Share on Facebook      
15Gun Control: Use both hands. Share on Facebook      
16A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. Share on Facebook      
17Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist! Share on Facebook      
18Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Share on Facebook      
19If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books. Share on Facebook      
20If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you. Share on Facebook