Funniest One Liners!

1It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Share on Facebook      
2Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. Share on Facebook      
3Failure is the only opportunity to begin more intelligently. Share on Facebook      
4My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you? Share on Facebook      
5I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. Share on Facebook      
6Love and Time: The only two things in all of life and all the world that cannot be bought, but spent. Share on Facebook      
7Failure is not an option - it's a lifestyle. Share on Facebook      
8You make me hornier before 9 AM than most people do all day. Share on Facebook      
9A woman voting for divorce is like a turkey voting for Christmas. Share on Facebook      
10Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up! Share on Facebook      
11Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Share on Facebook      
12Making coffee is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. It has to be hot, it has to be strong, you've got to grind your beans slowly... and at the last moment, add the milk. Share on Facebook      
13Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots. Share on Facebook      
14Cancer research is a growth industry. Share on Facebook      
15Computers will never replace the wastebasket when it comes to streamlining office work. Share on Facebook      
16Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead. Share on Facebook      
17How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? Share on Facebook      
18Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. Share on Facebook      
19It is seldom easy to do what's right or right to do what's easy. Share on Facebook      
20The fear of feeling the pain is worse than the pain itself. Share on Facebook