Funniest One Liners!

1My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. Share on Facebook      
2Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't. Share on Facebook      
3There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. Share on Facebook      
4No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. Share on Facebook      
5I can't cut the mustard, but I can still lick the jar. Share on Facebook      
6People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Share on Facebook      
7There's nothing wrong with gluttony, providing you don't overdo it. Share on Facebook      
8They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning (picks up his glass of water from the stool). I like to live on the edge. Share on Facebook      
9The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. Share on Facebook      
10A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once. Share on Facebook      
11Veni, vidi, visa. I came. I saw. I did a little shopping. Share on Facebook      
12Ever notice that 'What the hell' is always the right decision? Share on Facebook      
13It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it. Share on Facebook      
14Why get real? Plastic is cheaper, It doesn't rot, It comes in prettier colors, and it's much easier to clean! Share on Facebook      
15The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. Share on Facebook      
16Even on the most exalted throne, you are still sitting on nothing but your ass. Share on Facebook      
17A ship floats on the water; but I'll bet you it would float on sand too. Share on Facebook      
18If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? Share on Facebook      
19Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia. Share on Facebook      
20My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's reading. Share on Facebook